Blog entry for:

and self-will.
so today, self-will would be going on my little tirade about who and what this holiday is all about, honestly, this holiday i as all about giving. for those who believe, the divine gift to lift humanity from the drudgery of mundane sin, for those who do not, expressing the love we feel in our hearts for those we love. i certainly could add my editorial comment, but will defer, as i made that quite clear more than once. the topic in and of itself, is mostly why i choose the better part of valor, how selfless is whining about something everyone knows and choose to accept or not. i would venture a guess: NONE!
yes as i move along the path of recovery, i may not become any less judgmental or opinionated, but i do become more discrete. regardless of what others may say, there really is advanced recovery, or at least an advanced application of the basics i heard about in those first ninety days, way back when. was i listening? of course not, i was far from selfless in those days and i thought anonymity was all about not saying anything about what i found in the rooms, not losing my obsession with self and aligning my will to that of a POWER that does fuel my recovery. as i grow into the person i have always wanted to be, and it is not some sort of spiritual guru or saint, i see that what i was missing when i heard all those ideas, was how to make a practical application of them in my life. anonymity and self-will, are among those concepts that point me in that direction.
these days, staying clean is pretty easy. i just do what GOT me clean, every single day. when i detect that i may be moving in a direction that is off that path, i reapply those very same principles once again, only in a different context. i am powerless over what i feel, but i can take responsibility for allowing myself to react. if i choose to be all butt-hurt about something, i need not let the whole world that those who did me wrong, did me wrong. for me, that is giving over what little power i may have accumulated over the course of my recovery. the truth of the matter is that those who did me the disservice probably do not even listen to me whining about how much it hurt, and those who do care, might have offered a suggestion or two, that goes to the solution. yes i get butt-hurt and i understand that venting about it to the whole world provides some relief, as i have often found out in this little bit of mind dumpery. i have vented about many things, and stretched the principle of anonymity to its very extremes many times. today, well today, i am in a very interesting space, the hiatus from the all the chaos of this day. i have two more places to be, before i lay my head on the pillow tonight and as i sit here, before getting rolling into all i have to do today. i get to breathe, remember that i CHOOSE to be a part of all of this. i GET to participate in my life and the lives of those who are around me, instead of just watching.
those responsibilities are starting to call, so i will sign off and say Merry Christmas one and all, it is a great day to be clean.

∞ DT ∞