Blog entry for:

toward selflessness. before i get into what i heard this morning a very Merry Christmas, to all my religious friends celebrating this most secular and pagan holiday. that is probably not what one wants to hear, but i no longer dwell in the house of sugar coating and obfuscation of what is. over the course of 2020 i have been coming to terms with the stories i have been told since i was a wee lad, and turned into the TRUTH and i can no longer stomach any of that, anymore.my march towards selflessness begins with looking at who i have been and letting go of what no longer is real or whole. that journey has been tricky at best, as i have spent the last six mo9nths consumed by anger at the world for giving me a version of the TRUTH that does not in any way match how the world works.
this morning i could continue down the path of simmering anger, angst and regret, but that has brought me no joy and very little serenity as my internal state came closer and closer to matching the state of the world around me. after spending some time with my sponse and accepting what he told me as a different way to see myself and my place in the world around me, the heat of my anger has subsided and i feel much “lighter,” than i have felt in months. true, i have yet to kiss the Blarney Stone or trod upon the Giant's Causeway, but that may yet come to pass over the course of next twelve months. what i do know will come to pass, is that i will be able to sit down and write what i need to write on my FOURTH STEP and get rid of the resentment i feel towards myself and the world into which i was born.
this morning, i am okay with being a bit less angry and certainly a bit less “dark” and gloomy, as the sun has started its annual journey towards the north. i am also okay with breaking my routine and trying out one of the presents i got for Christmas on my workout. today, i may have opinions about how the world is spinning, but i do not have to believe in science for it to be true, facts are facts and theories are apt to change as more is revealed. i do not have to take the word of one human being over the organizations that i have come to trust to tell me about the state of the world, as it is not a lie, just because 45 does like what it says about him as a person. SCIENCE IS REAL, POLITICS IS THEATER and my recovery is more valuable to me than the version of the truth i have been telling myself for far too many years. just for today, i will march towards a place where i am part of, instead of a big fish in a very small pond.
BTW: for those who need a bit of history: History of Christmas

∞ DT ∞