Blog entry for:

were not necessarily gifts i thought i could receive, if i stopped trying to make things come out the way i desired. watching self-will strip one of my peers of any respect they once had, because they had to be correct and had to be correct right now, certainly set me back on my heels, to examine my own need for prestige and being on the “right” side of history. i know that for myself, i am glad i surrendered to the forced group conscience with no regrets. whatever happens will be on someone else and if it turns out to be the greatest thing since sliced bread, they can take full credit for that as well. for me, is certainly time to ask “how important is it” and move into the rest of my life. the answer is, not at all. i behaved in a less than stellar manner, took responsibility for my actions and if someone felt that was not enough, well they can certainly whine to their sponsor about how mean and seemingly unrepentant i am.
oh yeah, for those who celebrate this holiday: MERRY CHRISTMAS. for me, it is a whole different beast, losing its spiritual connection as i saw crass commercialism overshadowing what this holiday was supposed to be about. even those who scream the loudest about the “war on Christmas,” seem to miss the real point of this holiday: salvation and not who got the most and bestest stuff. once i take away the cultural trappings of hiding materialism under a thin patina of spiritual camouflage, i can allow myself the freedom to participate without getting any sort of emotional or spiritual attachment to what may be or once was.
it is true, that today, i am sad, as this is the first Christmas without my Dad. i have no idea how my Mom is feeling, as she is as bottled up emotionally as i once was. i am open with my feelings and when i attend the afternoon get together today, i will be okay and capable of being a part of whatever happens while i am there. today, i am not competing with anyone for anything, as when i truly look at my world for what it is, i certainly have everything i NEED and maybe i will get the opportunity to get a WANT or three, as the day progresses. with that in mind, i think i will drop this little ditty online, fire up ZOOM and see what my peers are up to this morning.

∞ DT ∞