Blog entry for:

that i never imagined possible. some of the time, what i hear and what the reading happens to be about, diverge in the wood, and i, as always, take the path least traveled by. yes a bit of an homage there, but it is certainly appropriate to what i heard this morning. the reading was clearly about the recovery process and how it changes my underlying motives for the stuff i CHOOSE to do. this is an experience i have certainly had. as i stay clean, live a program and allow the process to happen, i become less needy of all the things that i once thought i required. i also have found that the way i interact with with my peers, my family and those i encounter across the course of my day, has also improved, most of the time. living in resentment, does change that, and as evidenced over the course of the past few weeks, still drives many of my actions, reactions and attitudes. once i finally decided to stop being a victim, i became willing to let go of my resentment and make the best of what i could of my life, at least in the sense of work. that, in and of itself, brought some peace to my existence. has it change my motivation for what i am consciously doing, without a doubt. under the surface, however, i am not quite so sure.
what i felt this morning as i sat was not the turmoil of living in resentment, nor the freedom from self-obsession that the program has manifest in my life, but rather a sense of certainty about where i am and where i can go today. the peace i am starting to feel as i come to terms with my powerlessness, feels genuine and based on something more than just doing the next right thing for all the correct reasons. as i let go of what was, i can accept what is, and allow what will be to become part of me. i have found my FAITH again. part of that is the work i started yesterday on my website, to add the framework for the next step. one more piece to add today and then the move to learning more, professionally will start with learning how to manage a cloud instance and getting a domain set-up. that is however out of the scope for this exercise this morning, and as the morning grows late, i will walk with the FAITH that i am moving in a direction that i will find desirable, whether or not i can label it as positive or negative.😜

∞ DT ∞