Blog entry for:

the respect i wish for myself. i have to admit, i am not a huge fan of how my fellowship has decided to smash the traditions into every day recovery. i know that the fellowship has always been nibbling around the edges of that notion, but these days it is full-blown on and even though the source material was all about respect, it took a deep dive into the ELEVENTH Tradition. i guess i am old school, as i taught the steps are for the individual addict and the traditions for the groups. of course, whining about what is not anymore does me little good and everything i heard when i sat this morning was all about going with a flow and perhaps a new direction is not a bad thing after all.
okay, i just threw a whole bunch of bon mots, clichés and self-obsessed pablum into the bit bucket. i was reading what i wrote and i realized that i was not really sharing anything about who i am and what i feel, even though i purported to be doing just that. one fact of my life is that if i want to be respected, i have to respect others. i get the idea that respect is earned and not somehow auto-magically manifest in every relationship. my side of the street is to be respectful and whether or not the other party chooses to return that respect is not my stuff. just as thief who stole my hoodie and has returned to the “scene of the crime” disrespects me enough to pretend that it never happened and show up at my home group. as much as i want to call them out, i choose not to, as a gesture of my respect and i got to say, that SUCKS big time. time heals all wounds or becomes the avenger, i am going to allow it to heal that sore spot in my soul and see what happens.
anyhow my watch is telling me it is time to move and i do have work to get done. respecting others, respecting myself and respecting the fellowship that has given me the opportunity to pound this out on nearly a daily basis, is what i am moving into this day in my heart. life is good, even though i feel as if i am falling apart and very very old these days. perhaps reality is finally exploding the myth of youth that i have held on to for so long and it is time to respect the fact i am sixty-seven years old and not getting any younger, any time soon. the wound si require time to heal are taking far longer than i deso=ire, but i know that too, is beyond my control, just for today.

∞ DT ∞