๐ฑ If I begin ๐ต
Posted: Wed, Sep 27, 2017 02:55:11 PM
to cry failure, i can be more than certain, that walking away from recovery is not the correct course of action. it has certainly been one of those days, where a quick dip into some unsavory behaviors or just run far, far away, very, very quickly. this day has sucked at work, some of it my stuff, some of it not my stuff, but certainly a day that sucks all around. so staying calm and addressing the issue, is my mantra today.
the reading speaks of failure and reminds me of a line that a failure need not be a link in a unbreakable chain, and i get that as well. still all in all, as frustrating as today has been, i can move forward and get my “groove on,” as it were. i am trying to roll back the upgrade i did to my work MAC yesterday as well as get the tasks at hand done, and write this little exercise in mind-dumperey. what i am feeling now, is that how i want to feel and how i am feeling are not the same thing. i want to feel the victim of forces beyond my control. i am feeling that whilst i have stuff going on, and much of what i am seeing IS from forces beyond my control, i need not play the victim, and acceptance right here and right now. the victim card? well and tolerance, not two of my strong suits is what i require. the victim card? well i want to say that since i am powerless over addiction, that of course i am a victim of addiction as well. the simple fact of life is, that i may be powerless over addiction, but i do have the ways and means to live beyond being a victim of my addiction. what may those ways and means be? a program of active recovery, that is what save me from going into the pits of despair, every single time, events fail to meet my expectations. oh sure, i will whine, bitch, moan and complain, as those certainly make me feel a bit “better,.” hell, i may even wail like a banshee, but in the long run, what i need to do, is have FAITH that i can face the troubles i find in my life and walk through them, clean.
whining complete, i feel better, time to deal with the next task as hand, getting stuff done.
the reading speaks of failure and reminds me of a line that a failure need not be a link in a unbreakable chain, and i get that as well. still all in all, as frustrating as today has been, i can move forward and get my “groove on,” as it were. i am trying to roll back the upgrade i did to my work MAC yesterday as well as get the tasks at hand done, and write this little exercise in mind-dumperey. what i am feeling now, is that how i want to feel and how i am feeling are not the same thing. i want to feel the victim of forces beyond my control. i am feeling that whilst i have stuff going on, and much of what i am seeing IS from forces beyond my control, i need not play the victim, and acceptance right here and right now. the victim card? well and tolerance, not two of my strong suits is what i require. the victim card? well i want to say that since i am powerless over addiction, that of course i am a victim of addiction as well. the simple fact of life is, that i may be powerless over addiction, but i do have the ways and means to live beyond being a victim of my addiction. what may those ways and means be? a program of active recovery, that is what save me from going into the pits of despair, every single time, events fail to meet my expectations. oh sure, i will whine, bitch, moan and complain, as those certainly make me feel a bit “better,.” hell, i may even wail like a banshee, but in the long run, what i need to do, is have FAITH that i can face the troubles i find in my life and walk through them, clean.
whining complete, i feel better, time to deal with the next task as hand, getting stuff done.
∞ DT ∞