Blog entry for:

nothing is sweeter to my ears some days than hearing myself whine about how terrible my life is, what a waste of space i am and how it is impossible for me to ever get any better. and it is even sweeter when i have an audience tthat chimes in like some sort of greek chorus about the really bad stuff.
that day is not today, but i thought a bit of tawdry commentary may be needed to spice up this otherwise ordinary blog. well honestly, this is one of those readings i love to hate or hate to love depending on the current state of affairs in the space between my ears. today i am feeling okay about my life, where i happen to be going and how i am getting there, the future may not be bright but it certainly is not dismal and gloomy for me today. that does not mean that i never am subject to fits of nattering negativity, nor does that mean that i never ever whine about the little and not so little setbacks in my life, hell i am nowhere close to being that well. no what the reading reminds me of this morning, is that only i can choose to be negative or positive. only i can choose to spin the events in my life to suit whatever argument i happen to be making to myself. or when i am practicing a program of recovery, i can look at the "bad" events that occur in daily living as exactly that -- the consequences of being alive. i can also examine my part in those events and decide whether i had a hand in their creation or they were just random side effects of living in the mundane world. if i do have a part, i have the tools available to be assisted through the changes i need to make in my life to reduce the chance of those events from recurring. and yes i do like to whine and feel sorry for myself, it was a behavior i practiced for a long time in active addiction and it is a shortcoming that is taking its time leaving, but those bouts of self-pity and self-abuse are briefer these days and perhaps some day i too will learn to live without them after all a girl can hope!

∞ DT ∞