Blog entry for:

and my path of recovery have been welded together for quite some time, even when i have been lackluster in working any sort of program. as i sat this morning and attempted to get my fantasy football waiver request failures out of my head, what kept bubbling up to the surface was once again the notion that somehow there is an form of recovery that is “old” as opposed to “new” recovery. i am not sure what those terms are supposed to mean, as i heard them during a screed by one of the men who call me their sponsor, when speaking about one of our peers. if i were to define them myself i would say old recovery equals many years, even decades of living a program on an active basis, day in and day out, which hardly seems to be derogatory in any sense at all. what i finally settled was that since i was clueless about what they meant, it is hardly relevant to my recovery and my sense of being vigilant about the direction my recovery is headed.
looking at where i may be going, at least on the progress of my recovery, does require a bit of checking on where i have been. i can certainly say that my commute yesterday was one of the most serene ones that i have ever had, even though i was surrounded by the same sort of people who who have driven me to flash the middle finger salute and scream a profanity-laced string of invective at the top of my lungs. i have often used how i react and respond to the drivers around me, as a measure of my spiritual health and under that set of criteria, i appear to be doing fairly well, at least i was yesterday. i have yet to get out and about today and even though my recovery may be “old” i know that i cannot survive on yesterday's recovery, i do, however, have a good start on today's.
bringing it back to today, i feel tired this morning and a bit more confident in the work i am doing for my employer, after breaking through the two issues that were blocking me, yesterday. even though i have yet to win a game in one of my fantasy leagues, in the one i am most attached to, at least my score are going up and i am starting to see some hope. i have decided to let sleeping dogs lie, and will do one more trip through the waiver wire later this afternoon, just to see what shows up and set my lineup and let it be. i also am quite sure that i need to make a call about whether or not i need to show up at my service commitment this evening, it appears that it has been cancelled for now, but a bit of due diligence is required on my part. well the call does not need to be made, as i just peeked at another record and found the answer i was looking for. it is time, to put this little ditty to bed and remember that long-term abstinence is no foil against the ravages of addiction. the part of me i call addiction, has yet to be removed and old or new, it is my daily program of active recovery that keeps it arrested, just for today.

∞ DT ∞