๐ no matter ๐
Posted: Fri, Sep 27, 2019 07:52:29 AM
how hard I try, it seems that nothing works out as i want it to. a year ago i was plotting my revenge on the scammers who played me, totally oblivious to the reality that i **getting something for nothing** is almost always the way to part me from my hard-earned resources. that experience could have made me colder, less trusting and bitter to the max. over the past year, i have felt all of that and a whole lot more. today, i see how gullible and naive i was and when similar “opportunities” come knocking, and they do about once a month, i know how to look through the smoke and mirrors and expose them for what they are. funny, how once i tell them the result of my “due diligence” they disappear quite quickly. that is ancient history as far as i am concerned. yes i am paying the price and whining about it here. the “silver lining” as it were, is that my credit is trashed and is taking time to be repaired as i pull myself out of debt. the other lesson is that if i do not have the resources, the proper response is NO!
as part of my TENTH STEP last night, i realized that being frustrated and curt with my co-worker is not going to change how well he meets my seemingly over-ambitious expectations. berating and belittling him is not working, being forgiving and kind does not seem to do the trick. i have four days to open my mind to a new course of action, as i really do want to see him succeed. i am starting to see that i am not being an effective communicator with him and when i suggest something he does not seem to understand the urgency of my request. perhaps treating him as i do the men that call me their sponsor, is more of the path to go down. let him fail, refuse to take his failures on as a reflection of how well i am doing my job and help him get back on his feet, after his fall. apparently being a helicopter team mate is not the path i need to be taking. 😜
this is not an exercise in cynicism or self-deprecation this morning,. although it certainly looks like it could be. yes i got scammed, yes i cannot “force” someone to see the world as i do. i am feeling a sense of relief of sorts, as i am putting down in bits and bytes what has been swirling around inside me the past few days. it really hit me as i sat in a meeting last night with someone who said that they were there because they n“needed something to do.” my internal landscape was scorched with rage and bitterness, as all of a sudden i felt “used and abused” once again. i almost got up and walked out, instead i went back to why i was there and what i was there to do. it was not to convince anyone that they were an addict, nor was it to drag them by the short-hairs into the fellowship that has given me this life. once i went to the place that i was there to carry a message and plant a seed of HOPE, we had an excellent meeting, even if there was no pot of coffee gurgling in the background, or at least i did.
with the thought that i CAN be better today and let myself see “alternative versions” of my “TRUTH,” i think the dawg and i will take our walking tour of the neighborhood and see how many steps i can get in, before i am chained to my work computer, prisoner in my own home, waiting for the witching hour to be once again freed from the chains of wage slavery.
as part of my TENTH STEP last night, i realized that being frustrated and curt with my co-worker is not going to change how well he meets my seemingly over-ambitious expectations. berating and belittling him is not working, being forgiving and kind does not seem to do the trick. i have four days to open my mind to a new course of action, as i really do want to see him succeed. i am starting to see that i am not being an effective communicator with him and when i suggest something he does not seem to understand the urgency of my request. perhaps treating him as i do the men that call me their sponsor, is more of the path to go down. let him fail, refuse to take his failures on as a reflection of how well i am doing my job and help him get back on his feet, after his fall. apparently being a helicopter team mate is not the path i need to be taking. 😜
this is not an exercise in cynicism or self-deprecation this morning,. although it certainly looks like it could be. yes i got scammed, yes i cannot “force” someone to see the world as i do. i am feeling a sense of relief of sorts, as i am putting down in bits and bytes what has been swirling around inside me the past few days. it really hit me as i sat in a meeting last night with someone who said that they were there because they n“needed something to do.” my internal landscape was scorched with rage and bitterness, as all of a sudden i felt “used and abused” once again. i almost got up and walked out, instead i went back to why i was there and what i was there to do. it was not to convince anyone that they were an addict, nor was it to drag them by the short-hairs into the fellowship that has given me this life. once i went to the place that i was there to carry a message and plant a seed of HOPE, we had an excellent meeting, even if there was no pot of coffee gurgling in the background, or at least i did.
with the thought that i CAN be better today and let myself see “alternative versions” of my “TRUTH,” i think the dawg and i will take our walking tour of the neighborhood and see how many steps i can get in, before i am chained to my work computer, prisoner in my own home, waiting for the witching hour to be once again freed from the chains of wage slavery.
∞ DT ∞