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with the help of other recovering addicts in this fellowship, i find a hand to pull me up, dust me off, and help me start all over again. the trick, however, is that i have to ask!
yes, there is no super hero of recovery, ready to swoop down and remove me from the miserable place i put myself in, dang it. while my HIGHER POWER certainly could do that, the way it seems to work, is that i have the people put into my life, that CAN help me, if i ASK for their assistance. as i cannot and will not speak for anyone else, suffice it to say, that i am quite well cared for, but sometimes, well, the misery is just where i want to be. after all, if i am miserable today, just imagine how much better i am going to feel, when superman flies down and rescues me from my self-made hell. sometimes, i want to be defined by my misery, since i am dark and cynical anyhow, so why not dwell in that place, and discount all the good in my life, after all, i am just an addict, and it is my destiny to use anyhow, so prolong the suffering?
so it goes, the litany of how unworthy i am, how no one likes my anyhow, that the rooms are so fVcking full of drama, and so on. quickly, with barely a flick of the wrist, i am not worth being saved anyhow. i know this spot, and familiar with how it looks and feels, and you know what,m grateful that i need not be there today. i DO have friends, peers and even those i do not care that much for, in a vibrant and lively fellowship, who can come to my rescue and provide me the clues to get out of the spot i am in. i have living examples that one can get clean and yes even succeed. most importantly i see that no matter what, it is a choice to remain a dark, dank, and miserable loser and not my fate, which reminds me, if i want to get paid, i better get hopping towards the place i earn my living, there is no “santa god” to pay my bills and provide a living for me, so i better do it myself, after all, the POWER that fuels my recovery, has given me the means to do so myself, and that does make me feel worth asking for the help i need with the rest of my life today.

∞ DT ∞