Blog entry for:

one thing i do know: living an active program of recovery allows me to have CHOICES today that arise from my FREEDOM from active addiction.
yes, i KNOW, is one of my favorite ways of saying F*CK YOU, when responding to something one or more of my peers may be pointing out. in fact, after sitting and as i was preparing my breakfast i was wondering how one of those peers, who has been missing for a bit of time, was doing today. the last time i spoke with that peer, they were struggling with the notion that “alcohol is a drug,” and that having a beer or glass of wine at the end of their shift was using. as difficult as that may be for others to accept, i see no issue with that characterization, as when i used alcohol it was purely to get “buzzed.” when i spoke to them, that very last time, i was kind but firm in my determination, but insisted that they had to arrive at a similar place by their own processes, all i could do is offer my experience, which was that very seldom was alcohol the “top of the food chain,” when it came to using for me. i do not “know” if others can drink moderately and not suffer the consequence of wanting more. i have also seen more than one of my peers, attempt that experiment in “controlled using” only to fail and end up worse than they were before. their experience is what i guide my choices by and i CHOOSE not to use alcohol, unconditionally, just for today.
this morning as i prepare for my journey “down south” i need to remember that what i have, i can only keep by giving it away and that knowledge, wisdom or rote facts is just that, stuff i can give away, IF it is part of my experience. i may have all sorts of those facts floating around my noggin, but the reality is, not all of those so-called facts, are facts. a whole bunch of judgements, prejudices and biases have been formed over the course of my recovery and i NEED to be cognizant of that distinction. it is after all a good day to be clean and admit that there is a whole ot more for me to learn.

∞ DT ∞