Blog entry for:

to keep me clean for any length of time. a quick diversion and into the meat of what i am going to write this morning. so one way i know that one of the revolving door club members, may not GET it this time is when they start saying “I KNOW!” there was certainly once a time when i thought “I KNEW,” and gratefully that time has passed.
among my peers, there are a few, who seem to question and pick apart every single line, in the daily meditation, and seem to do it every day. while there are more than a few readings that i judge to be cheesy, and some that i find the lacking in any depth, i still look to the daily reading for a bit of guidance about the direction i can point my spiritual path today. i still get a kick out of my peers saying they “like” or “hate” the daily reading. for me, i have reached a place where i see that if liking or not liking the daily passage has to do with my emotional reaction to the content. sure dolphins, school analogies and car metaphors are nice and provide a mostly common experience upon which to draw parallels, but there are days when i seem to wish that they would just move on. move on to what, one may wonder? the answer i feel, is that there comes a time when there should be a book of daily readings for the member who has some time clean, and by that i mean more than a decade. you know, those of us, who are in “advanced” recovery!?
you see, how nicely i did that? i drew a line in the sand, to separate myself from the vast majority of my peers. a little bit of knowledge and all of a sudden i am different. just like the hypocrite that was the seed of my ramblings yesterday, i blithely ignore my actions while spouting all the sunshine and light out of my mouth. the fact is, what i just said was: I KNOW! when in fact i DO NOT KNOW!
i do not know what i need to stay clean today, and more importantly where that knowledge will come from. i do not know what challenges i will face and more importantly where i will get the strength and courage to face them. most of all, i do not KNOW the will of the POWER that fuels my recovery and even though i NEED to feel that will, it will be the events and the people that are in my life, especially my peers, that will guide me to that certainty. in fact, now that i think about it, the longer i stay clean, the less i know for certain. with that in mind, i do know it is time to hop into the shower and ease on, ease on down the road, to work. i am grateful that i may not have ALL the answers today, but i do have the most important one: IT IS A GOOD DAY TO BE CLEAN.

∞ DT ∞