Blog entry for:

come to recovery and stopped thinking, nor do i ever advise anyone who asks my opinion to do so. it seems that the impression i get from some of my peers, is that there is one and and only one way to work a program of recovery. just as there is one and only one manner in which to share, or conduct a recovery meeting. i can work myself up into a frenzy about how “wrong” someone is doing something, but at the end of each and every day the true test is whether or not they stayed clean. i have a program of recovery that keeps me clean, just for today and i am more than willing to share how i do it, when i am asked. it is my hope, that my program is evident in how i live my life and there is little or no dissonance between what i say to my peers and how i carry myself in the “real” world. i do know that i have very strong opinions about how to work and live a program of recovery.
when i consider where i was when i entered the rooms and where i am now, i am amazed that i allowed myself to be teachable, even when i believed i was too “smart” to work this simple program. each and every day that i stay clean, i hopefully learn something that will foster my recovery and make me a better person. case in point: the peer with whom i had my last battle about what is c=the correct manner in which to serve, still create a strong emotional reaction when i see them. the amount of space i have given them over the course of the past few years is way out of proportion to what they are entitled to receive. as i laid my head on my pillow last night, i asked for the power to let them go and yes, forgive them for being such a dickhead, asshole. amazingly as i am wiring this little exercise this morning, i have absolutely no emotional reaction, as i consider that little person. yes, there is a bit of bile and venom left, but all in all, not nearly the load i had two days ago and as i get through this day, on towards bedtime, i am pretty sure that will subside to background noise, if not, i simply have to ask again.
i am not “praying for them” as i have often found that to be less than a satisfactory means to let go. no, i am praying for myself to find the ways and means to forgive and move along down the road. for one who does not pray, well that is quite an accomplishment. as i get close to the end of what is on my mind, i am more than certain that today, there will be at least one lesson that i need to learn. i am more than okay with that. i am also being a wimp and heading for the gym this morning, just because. my goal today, is to catch up with the work that is on my desk and be ready to live in this world as a recovering addict, who certainly has a whole lot more learning to do.

∞ DT ∞