Blog entry for:

who i really am! i do NOT NEED permission to be who i really am, nor do i have to fall back on the notion that IF GOD created me this was, it has to be okay. the days of my seeking any sort of approval to be myself, are now in the past. when that particular daemon comes back to haunt me, i use a quick bit of remembering the price i paid to get here and send it back to the flaming pits of damnation. it is not odd at all, that i have commented on this reading many times in the past, and never felt what i feel this morning. it feels disrespectful and patronizing to have to fallback on the infallibility of GOD, to accept being okay with who i am, and as one might be able to tell, i am more than a bit “hot under the collar” with that whole idea.
writing a screed about how i do NOT need this or that, is not a very productive way to start my day. i can see that up until recently, needing some sort of “divine” intervention to be okay with myself, felt as if it was part of my DNA. i could blame my peers. “you made me swallow something that was untrue,” is not where i choose to go today. as a matter of fact, no one made me do much of anything, i volunteered for that misery and was not its victim. living in the p[resent tense is tough and as the changes that were started in my FOURTH and FIFTH STEP cycle start to take on a life of their own, i am more than certain that i will stumble across more examples of taking what i was given and using it to keep myself oppressed and downtrodden, spiritually anyhow.
moving into here and now, it is time to put this baby to bed, get some steps under my belt. i hereby give MYSELF permission to okay with who i am, and i do not care what anyone else may think about that declaration of my independence. more than likely, even though i do not NEED to, i will more than likely seek approval from more than one source during the day ahead. i may be on the path of recovery, but i am hardly “cured.” 🤕 🤪

∞ DT ∞