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what really happened was something i was pretty sure i was not. i thought i knew how the events in my life played out and what i had become as the result of all that occurred. it was a surprise that a year ago, i had a nagging feeling something was wrong and that culminated in a FOURTH and FIFTH STEP cycle that ripped me from the warm comfort of denial and thrust me into a brave new world. sitting here in Santa Fe, away from all of those who demand that i “be” something or need something from me, i have had the opportunity to decompress and yes consider who i am today. the events of the past five months have been quite tumultuous and the changes that they have brought on, in the real world, at times feel as if they will overwhelm me. i know that i can survive and even thrive, all i have to do, is keep doing what i ave been doing and letting go of the doors i will not open.
have i been honest in my prayers, in my relationships with my peers, my spouse and my family? that is a good question to ponder as the s\day rolls on. since i lived a lie for so long, i would have to say that i was honest, within that framework of denial. destroying what was, has left me mostly naked to the world around me and unsure of where i am going. i see that Meow Wolf has jobs starting at $17.00 per hour and maybe, that is where i need to go. it is severely tempting but i doubt i could maintain the lifestyle i have become used to. i think that, just for today, i will enjoy my last days on vacation and let myself stop spinning and just chill. sounds like a great plan to me!

∞ DT ∞