Blog entry for:

a quality that is developed through practice. over the past week or so, i have started to come to terms with the notion that i am more upset about world events than i let on to. the lie i have been telling myself is that reading about and experiencing life in these unsettled time, is something i just **accept.** for the most part, that is correct. acceptance does not equal being unaffected and as my denial begins to be dismantled, i see a whole lot of shaking and quaking going on, internally. dismissing those notions has been simple, all i have to do is fall back on being powerless over the way things are, right now and go about my daily life, ignoring the fact that, bit by bit, my calm exterior façade is showing cracks. as i sat this morning, i finally saw the unease that i feel, bubble up to the top of the stack and consume that quiet time. no matter what, i need to own that internally i share the same fears, and angst as i have been hearing my family members, peers, acquaintances and friends share about since the world seemed to change overnight. acknowledging those feelings is not the same as cowering in abject fear, but does give me the opportunity to respond, rather than react, as my spiritual and emotional pot is already simmering. i do not need my emotional streets cleared to have a photo-op, to show myself that perhaps, owning what i feel, is the next right thing to do.
whew, taking that piece of rubbish out, feels good this morning. as i seem to be fresh out of ideas that apply to learning to be honest this morning, i think the time has come to “hit the streets” and pound out some of my frustrations. it is a good day to be clean and just for today, i think i will own what may or may not be going on with me and see if i can make it through a day without dissing someone else, whining about the injustice of being me or pretending that it does not matter.

∞ DT ∞