Blog entry for:

of lies, created in the wake of one huge lie, has shaped my life, my identity and my recovery, until my last FIFTH STEP. to step out and honestly see who i am, once i accept that i am not now, and have never been “broken,” has not been easy, especially with all the life stuff i am dealing with, right here and right now. my reaction is the DESIRE to run and hide, and on Thursday i am going to do just that, hide on the top of Quandary Peak. as i sat this morning, doing my daily needful thang, i heard a familiar refrain, specifically that i am not worth getting a chance at a great new gig. the fact that i cannot make it past HR and into an in-person interview is evidence of that lack of value and i might as well start looking for a job that pays poverty wages, as that is the sum of my value.
what i also “heard” as that bubble of poison was ingested, was that really is not the case. i have a job today, i have an in-person interview, today. i need to continue to be diligent about applying and upgrading my dev skills as my current job winds down. i cannot see the shape of the yet to be determined future and doing the footwork and allowing the results to be revealed, is certainly the direction in which i need to go. i want certainty in my life. i want a new job that pays me well and allows me to grow as a professional. i want to be able to see myself as worthy and a valuable asset. i want more for myself, now that the limits of the BIG LIE have been removed.
right here and right now? well i think it is time for a walk around the neighborhood, to prepare for my trek on Thursday. i am sure that seven miles and 3000 vertical feet are well within my ability to accomplish, but a few extra miles of walking will not hurt. just for today, i will leave the impressions i may be getting behind and realize that i am at least getting into the HR portal, my next task is to make it to the hiring manager. it is a good day to believe in myself and not return to the notion that i am not worth anything, because i am far too broken to compete in this job market.

∞ DT ∞