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and how much better recovery has made it, are not topics i often focus on. in fact my take is usually how **bad** things are going. the fact that i do keep coming back and coming back clean, is a testament to the power of this recovery program and the gifts that i keep on getting. here is where i would go into a litany of everything i am grateful for, but as instructive as that list may be, the one thing that drives me day after day, is the ability to CHOOSE and a seemingly ever-expanding buffet of choices set before me. once upon a time, my world was limited to finding the ways and means to GET what i needed to survive another day of being me. whether that was sex, approval or drugs, DESIRE drove all that i did and all that i was, down an ever narrowing canyon of choices. the FREEDOM to be more than a slave to DESIRE is one of the gifts i am the most thankful for. some peers that are sharing my journey, GET TO celebrate another trip around the sun, clean, today:

Denise W.
Thirty-three (33) years clean!
Keep coming BACK.
Greg C.
FOUR (4) years clean.

as i sat in a meeting last night, freezing my cajones off, because i was unprepared to be out in the elements, i kept hearing the theme that although my peers had yet to be freed from their character defects, they have found the means to live in a state of accommodation with them. i, of course, had to be different and shared on my “theme du jour,” my cycle of FEAR ⇝ ANGER ⇝ RESENTMENT, rinse and repeat. this morning, i see the futility in all of that and perhaps am starting to reach a place of accommodation with that as well. what i do feel and what i did hear this morning, was that i can stay there as long as i have the DESIRE to do so, even though the payoff is nothing but self-righteous indignation. thsi morning, i am certainly worth more than that, just for today.

∞ DT ∞