Blog entry for:

i find teachers, helpers, friends, love, care, and support.
i also get the chance to witness the blood moon, in the wee hours of the morning, which had i been using i may have gone out and seen, and said: “meh, so what else is new.”

Denise W has 25 years CLEAN
TODAY, that is new and quite cool.
Thank you for keeping the doors open!

okay, down to bidness. i certainly feel like a tool today, as i decided to click on something i tell the users i support not to click on. now i am working on my back-up computer and it kind of sucks. it looks like my anti-virus may have protected me from my stupidity, but only time will tell. this much is true, i am clean today, and i am writing this is very good conscience, even if i end up calling someone else out, or shoveling a bit of disrespect.
yes, it was quite true, that i did not believe that anyone who used the way i did, could be clean for more than 60 or 90 days, tops. nor did i believe that i had a problem that only this fellowship could address. in fact, when i came here it was to resolve a legal problem, that ended up being the most obvious sign that i needed a solution for living. today, i am grateful that i have found a home, where everyone here is just like me, in the most important respect, we do not think or behave as the other 80 to 85 percent of human race. simply put, i need something else, and destructive behaviors, such as uncontrollable drug use, is no longer an option i choose to exercise today. i may not hang with the “cool kids” or be a member of the ‘A’ list, but that is hardly relevant, at least for me today. what is relevant is that i did not do anything to try and manipulate, force anyone into including me in their activities. the fellowship has taught me, that i need not be a part of everything to be okay with myself, and when i see my peers acting out and turning the screws so they can be a part of, it saddens me. i know how it feels to so badly want something, i would do ANYTHING to get it.
anyhow, i do have a great life, and most importantly i can take pride in many things today, including bthe fact that i have the desire to stay clean, go to work and have a bit of downtime with the boyz this evening. perhaps one day, i too, will have a quarter century of clean time, but just for today i am grateful for the days i have.

∞ DT ∞