Blog entry for:

Sat, Apr 15, 2017 09:46:44 AM


⨴ did i really ⨵
posted: Sat, Apr 15, 2017 09:46:44 AM

 

leave the **good life** behind, when i finally accepted a program of recovery in to my life?
a friend a peer had seven celebrated seven years clean, yesterday. after the meeting we spoke and they said all the usual stuff, being grateful for the power of the fellowship and the POWER that allows them the opportunity to stay clean, day after day. something in that equation was missing, and i told them flat-out that while all of that was wonderful, the part they forgot, is that they, themselves, made a choice to stay clean for all those days in a row, and that effort DESERVED to be acknowledged. before i get on my soap box, another of my friends and peers needs a shout-out:

Denise W
10227 days (28 years) of choosing not to use.
I am certainly glad, you kept coming back,
and came back clean! Congrats, my friend.

moving into the discussion of my so-called good life, back in the day and my good life today. it is hardly fair to compare and contrast those two slices of my life, as the only thing in common between them, is me. even that is a suspect aspect to tie them together, as i am not the person i was way back when and certainly not going to willingly return to that state of being. my point is simply this, once upon a time, i had deluded myself into thinking that getting high every single day was by choice. the sad fact of those days is, i NEEDED to “wake and bake,” just to face the “real” world and NEEDED something more to endure the drudgery of the chaotic life i had created. even in the dullest of times, there was always a bit of chaos swirling around me, and when it was not evident to my numbed state of being, i went out and stirred the pot, to get it rolling again. that life was not filled with drug-kingpin activities, gun fights or car chases, but it had drama on a level far more subtle and in the end, i still ended up a victim of the justice system, instead of a willing participant in my recovery.
what have i gained by being clean? the choice to use or not to use.
what have i gained , by living the program of recovery as it has been given to me? a glimpse of the future and the means to live my life more fully than ever before.
it is quite true, that this program, was here before i got it. i am grateful for my predecessors, especially those who decided that some people, people like me, may need a different way of recovery than was currently being offered. those members, who created this new manner of recovery and inspired a full-fledged fellowship that could and did step out from under the shadow of its inspiration are the ones i am most grateful to, today. because of their efforts i can see that i am not a collection of addictions, nor in the thrall of any substance. this path, at least for me, is the only one, that i could see me staying true to, day after day. because i CHOOSE to live this program, i GET another slice of a better life and those in my life, get a better slice of me.
as i came out of the denial of how alone and lonely i really was, isolated in my addiction, i began to see things a bit more clearly. once where all i wanted to be is left alone to get really fVcking high, now i want to be a part of something greater: my family, my work environment, my social circle and the fellowship i call my home. the ennui and creeping malaise i felt way back when is gone. it has been replaced by a desire to become whole. i know that i owe my social life to the fellowship as they have been cracking at the rocky crust i developed in active addiction, chipping away at it day after day. when i say to one who may just be a dilettante that i choose not to carry on side conversations in a meeting, because i may miss something i NEED to hear to further my recovery today, i do say in all seriousness, whether they choose to believe me or not.
am i regretting the life i left behind? no, not today. in fact i believe that life i am living is the “good life,” and it can certainly get better, or at least i can, which of course will change my perspective and make me see it as getting better, it is after all, just a matter of relativity,m nod not the E=mc² type. it is a great day to enjoy the good life i have been given through the fellowship, the POWER that fuels my recovery and my own efforts to stay clean, just for today.

∞ DT ∞

 

djtConsulting Brand
The views expressed on this page are solely the opinion of the author.
While the author is a member of a 12 Step recovery fellowship, these writings are not intended to endorse or express the published wisdom of any fellowship.
These writings are not meant to be socially or politically correct, and if you take issue with any opinions expressed, please seek the guidance of someone wiser than me.

Another Look!

∞  right where i belong ∞ 296 words ➥ Friday, April 15, 2005 by: donnot
α a fellowship that has more to offer me, as long as i keep coming back Ω 427 words ➥ Saturday, April 15, 2006 by: donnot
↔ i believed that the fun stopped when the using stopped. ↔ 541 words ➥ Sunday, April 15, 2007 by: donnot
α the fellowship can be a mirror to reflect back to me a more accurate image of who i am. ω 432 words ➥ Tuesday, April 15, 2008 by: donnot
μ i was certain that i was leaving the **good life** behind, when i started recovery μ 617 words ➥ Wednesday, April 15, 2009 by: donnot
ξ i remember when looked at addicts recovering in the fellowship and pondered ξ 546 words ➥ Thursday, April 15, 2010 by: donnot
∀ i have come to enjoy living clean and i want more ∀ 720 words ➥ Friday, April 15, 2011 by: donnot
¿ if those addicts ARE NOT using drugs , 591 words ➥ Sunday, April 15, 2012 by: donnot
♦ i know where the **good life** is ♦ 523 words ➥ Monday, April 15, 2013 by: donnot
¹ here in the fellowship that has given me a new way to live, ¹ 493 words ➥ Tuesday, April 15, 2014 by: donnot
∪ keep coming back ∪ 316 words ➥ Wednesday, April 15, 2015 by: donnot
⃛ things i enjoy ⃜ 764 words ➥ Friday, April 15, 2016 by: donnot
🍄 a more accurate 🍄 858 words ➥ Sunday, April 15, 2018 by: donnot
🔲 if they are not 🔳 664 words ➥ Monday, April 15, 2019 by: donnot
👌 actively participating 👌 570 words ➥ Wednesday, April 15, 2020 by: donnot
⛲ a more 🕵 483 words ➥ Thursday, April 15, 2021 by: donnot
“ good life, ” 376 words ➥ Friday, April 15, 2022 by: donnot
🤞 honesty 🤞 327 words ➥ Saturday, April 15, 2023 by: donnot
🌶 i have found 🌶 623 words ➥ Monday, April 15, 2024 by: donnot
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☯ The Tao that can be spoken is not the eternal Tao ☯

THE TAO TEH KING, OR THE TAO AND ITS CHARACTERISTICS
by Lao-Tse
Translated by James Legge

Book 2

2) The sage does not accumulate (for himself). The more that he expends
for others, the more does he possess of his own; the more that he
gives to others, the more does he have himself.