Blog entry for:

unable to see the damage my character defects cause, when i hide them under the guise of less heinous term. been there, done that, got the T-shirt., time to move along. i write about being in a dangerous place in fantasy football, yesterday and today i see myself on a similar slippery slope with work. i am starting to believe my own hype and may have a bit too much of confidence in a skill-set that i am still developing. the red flags are all over the place and the fantasy football behavior is just a symptom of my lack of humility and my smug assuredness that i have more skill than i actually possess. what that means for me as a human being and a recovering addict, is that i NEED to take a step back and look to practice a bit of humility in all aspects of my life, especially with my friends in fantasy football and those i work with on a daily basis. i can see this morning that i have been so focused on what i think i need, that i have left any humility i may have once had, in the dust. the one thing i am certain of this morning is that i need not build myself up in the eyes of others to get what i cannot provide for myself ⇛ self worth and self-esteem.
i can admit that “sitting” was tough this morning and an exercise that i enjoy and find very beneficial felt forced and as if i was punishing myself. that happens from time to time and it is often because i do not want to consider the topic at hand. that may not be the case this morning as i rarely pass up the opportunity to dive into a pool of self-deprecation. or perhaps that is exactly the point, perhaps it is time to stop playing in the mud and allow myself the freedom to name the defects, let go of them and get on with living this new way of life.
quite a bit to ponder and it certainly will be something that is on my mind as i trot around the 'hood this morning. can i live a day in true humility, acknowledging where i fall short without falling into a pattern of “negative” self-talk, disguised and brutal honesty. certainly an interesting notion to consider and implement, just for today.

∞ DT ∞