π making the effort π
Posted: Wed, Jun 18, 2025 06:32:01 AM
to be present enough to recognize and receive grace, is not what i thought i needed to do this morning, when my feet hit the floor. rolling over, instead of popping up at the buzz of my alarm, made me more tense than i needed to be and it showed in my morning dip into the pool of silence. as i pound this out, i am trying to figure out what i can get done before i leave my current position and head off into terra incognito for me. being present to what is going on, inside and outside of me, seeking a bit of grace to carry me through, is not a bad credo for today.
the past few days have been weird at work and have just been a continuation of not being “good enough.” actually that is what my head tells me, as i have yet to hear that from my employer. even though i desire validation from those around me, most of the time, the part of me i call addiction, seems to be looking for the excuse to pitch this recovery gig and return to a life of at least “wake and bake.” work has provided all sorts of ammunition for exactly that, if i choose to see it that way. i know that i am being let go because the amount of work is down and i am not part of the team, as ever since i went mostly remote, i do not fit in. i also know that my skill level is increasing the more i listen to the critiques offered by my peers. if i choose to use their comments as a springboard towards excellence, rather than a baseball bat to beat myself up, i will get that bit of grace and be able to end my time in cable TV, on a positive note.
it is off to the streets and into this coolish morning for a bit of low impact exercise. my leg is getting stronger, i am getting more fit and who know how close i am to the one-eighty club. what i do know, is that i have the desire to be better, at work, at home, in the fellowship and to myself. i also know that if i pay attention, i will get the grace to further that desire, just for today.
the past few days have been weird at work and have just been a continuation of not being “good enough.” actually that is what my head tells me, as i have yet to hear that from my employer. even though i desire validation from those around me, most of the time, the part of me i call addiction, seems to be looking for the excuse to pitch this recovery gig and return to a life of at least “wake and bake.” work has provided all sorts of ammunition for exactly that, if i choose to see it that way. i know that i am being let go because the amount of work is down and i am not part of the team, as ever since i went mostly remote, i do not fit in. i also know that my skill level is increasing the more i listen to the critiques offered by my peers. if i choose to use their comments as a springboard towards excellence, rather than a baseball bat to beat myself up, i will get that bit of grace and be able to end my time in cable TV, on a positive note.
it is off to the streets and into this coolish morning for a bit of low impact exercise. my leg is getting stronger, i am getting more fit and who know how close i am to the one-eighty club. what i do know, is that i have the desire to be better, at work, at home, in the fellowship and to myself. i also know that if i pay attention, i will get the grace to further that desire, just for today.
∞ DT ∞