Some memes

my rigidity, ancient resentments, and impulse to control, makes it less likely that i will be the difficult one, when it comes to service to the fellowship that has provided this new manner in which to live. okay, i went dropped into the service reading this morning, rather than write about having a sense of humor for the umpteenth time. it sis not that i have tired of having a sense of humor and laughing at myself with my peers, friends and family, it is just that i might have finally run out of new and different takes on that topic. at least that is true this morning. i am, however, not necessarily a huge an about topics that deal with service, either. so i guess it came down to which one might provide a better impetus for a more insightful dip into the void. with all the caveats out of the way, let me see where this goes. 😮
i have written more than once over being guilty of all the “service sins” with which i started this exercise. of all of those in that list, ancient resentments, even when i do not feel the “burn” anymore, seems to be the one that drive me away from situation with the greatest vigor. a case in point: i have yet to attend any of the four new meetings here in my home town, just because i have strong feelings about the peer who got them started. it is not as if they have ever done anything to injure me and when shit got tough for them, they went and hid in another fellowship, rather than working through it. for me to sit in judgement of them, which of course is what is keeping me from showing my face, is far from the spiritual path that i desire to follow. and yet, here i am judging the living shit out of them and justifying my behavior by blaming my feelings on the actions of someone else. perhaps, dropping this into the ether, will allow me the freedom to get over my bad self and show up, one of these days.
moving into what i do have power over, it is time to get my act together and head out for a workout. i know who and what i am, as well as i know the correct path for em to follow. the passive aggressive game i play each Thursday over whether or not i will show up for service, is yet another nail in my coffin. i will hit the streets and as i empty my head of everything save my cadence and the path ahead, i will get a sense of what i need to do, when i return. it is a good day to remember that only i can keep myself from burning down my life.

∞ DT ∞