ฮฑ i am told that if i find some faith in a Power greater than myself, i will find security and guidance. ฯ
Posted: Thu, Jan 11, 2007 07:18:50 AM
but faith does not come overnight. it takes time and effort to grow.
and of course anything that take time and effort is probably something i do not want but really, really NEED.
the truth in the matter is that when i was new in recovery FAITH was the least of the issues i faced in staying clean. the sword of the justice system, ready to lop off my freedom if i strayed in the slightest way, was enough to keep me clean ion those early days. i had FAITH that if i once again got caught using, i was going to prison PERIOD! i had used up all my chances, gave the local fellowship a black eye in the mind of my probation officer and was barely redeemable.
so after a few weeks my sponsor asked me if i was comfortable using the twelfth judicial district as my higher power and my probation officer as its instrument, and i had to actually stop and think before my glib little retort rolled out of mouth. he said that the question was rhetorical and i need not answer it right then and there, but did my little mind start to churn!
after pondering his question, well actually obsessively spinning his question around my teeny tiny brain for a few days, i actually arrived at an answer, HELL NO! i was however without alternatives, and on that day the seed was planted with the assistance of my sponsor Fred. i became willing to open my mind to two alien concepts: the first being that there may be powers beyond my understanding and one of them may actually give what i NEED to stay clean; and the second was that i became willing to ask for the help of that POWER to stay clean each and every day. so that is what i did and still do today, i start asking for the ability to stay clean today from a HIGHER POWER, and you know what? that POWER has yet to fail in granting that simple request, so the evidence that has been accumulating is that i can have FAITH that my HIGHER POWER will keep me clean and provide for all my NEEDS if i allow that POWER to do its work. so the reward of FAITH fore me, is yet another day clean and that is more than enough reward for any addict, especially me!
and of course anything that take time and effort is probably something i do not want but really, really NEED.
the truth in the matter is that when i was new in recovery FAITH was the least of the issues i faced in staying clean. the sword of the justice system, ready to lop off my freedom if i strayed in the slightest way, was enough to keep me clean ion those early days. i had FAITH that if i once again got caught using, i was going to prison PERIOD! i had used up all my chances, gave the local fellowship a black eye in the mind of my probation officer and was barely redeemable.
so after a few weeks my sponsor asked me if i was comfortable using the twelfth judicial district as my higher power and my probation officer as its instrument, and i had to actually stop and think before my glib little retort rolled out of mouth. he said that the question was rhetorical and i need not answer it right then and there, but did my little mind start to churn!
after pondering his question, well actually obsessively spinning his question around my teeny tiny brain for a few days, i actually arrived at an answer, HELL NO! i was however without alternatives, and on that day the seed was planted with the assistance of my sponsor Fred. i became willing to open my mind to two alien concepts: the first being that there may be powers beyond my understanding and one of them may actually give what i NEED to stay clean; and the second was that i became willing to ask for the help of that POWER to stay clean each and every day. so that is what i did and still do today, i start asking for the ability to stay clean today from a HIGHER POWER, and you know what? that POWER has yet to fail in granting that simple request, so the evidence that has been accumulating is that i can have FAITH that my HIGHER POWER will keep me clean and provide for all my NEEDS if i allow that POWER to do its work. so the reward of FAITH fore me, is yet another day clean and that is more than enough reward for any addict, especially me!
∞ DT ∞