Blog entry for:

and guidance or fear and loathing, i guess it really is up to me to decide which side of that coin i choose to live on today. this morning, i am trying to wrap my head around what needs to happen to keep myself sort of sane and less stressed out about how my parents are living. work is work and as i get ready to head to the Rec Center for a workout, i am hoping that sweating and panting will let me let go of them,. at least for the hour or so i am trekking around the indoor track. bit by bit i am getting to a place where i can see i need some outside help with caring for them, and bit by bit i am asking for that strength. this morning, before i hit that activity, i need to acknowledge one of my peers:

Margaret C,
Congrats on Twenty-seven (27) years clean.

i did not really get the chance to “listen” as my head was all over the place. the noise of “what is” kept me from seeing what could be and i have to admit, my FAITH has been flagging lately. i am internalizing the events of the world and trying to get a grip on my feelings about my parents. what i am forgetting, is that i do have a POWER in my life that provides me the opportunity to get everything i need today. i keep forgetting that the recovery program that has brought me this far, is an integral part of how i live. i forget that living in the “what is not,” fuels my FEAR and moves me further from a state of FAITH. when all is said and done, i have what i need, all i have to do is reach out for it. for me, it is a sad state of affairs when i decide to pitch all that i am and cling tightly to the FEAR, rather than embracing my FAITH in the program and the POWER that fuels my recovery. with that in mind, i am going to restart my morning and figure out what i really NEED, just for today. i have a clue that it is right there in front of me.

∞ DT ∞