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in a Power greater than myself, i will find security and guidance, time and again, as i come back to this theme, i am struck by what a stretch this whole gig was for me, back in the day, and even today from time to time. i use the word GOD, with the men i sponsor, even though sometimes i choke on the word itself. i pray, i meditate and i even surrender my will and my life , or at least most of it, most of the time; and yet, still come up against the barrier that language puts inside of me. it has been my experience that i cannot simply say one thing and think another. this is why the fellowship i started my recovery in, did not and could not work for me, and this is the nature of the struggle i face with the concept of the divine, from time to time. putting aside the metaphysics for a bit, i have had a sponsee decide he was not ready for recovery. this was not unexpected as his ardor to do the work faded as his life got better, he got more work, and his head cleared out. what does this have to do with FAITH and living in it? i not only understand, there are days i want to walk away as well, take a vacation from recovery as it were, and live my life like some sort of normal human being. where GOD, prayer, meditation, daily inventories, spiritual principles are the after thought and not part of my primary task of each day. after all, i have some clean time and…

19 years of one day at a times!
Margaret C, thank you for sticking around!

yes there is where i find the HOPE, someone i still see at meetings, doing the gig, that was here when i got here, and has seen me in all the various phases of my growth. that is where i can return to FAITH, that if she can keep coming back, and coming back clean, so can i.
which brings me back to the concept of FAITH. i have said it before the CORE of my FAITH, is that it is the will of the POWER that fuels my recovery for me to stay clean today. nothing more, and certainly nothing less. so when i start to drift away from the center, i quickly remind myself, what exactly awaits me, the life of an addict in active addiction. do i really need to go there, to have FAITH that i am on the right path?
NOT TODAY!
anyhow, i am giving public transportation a whirl today, hence it ios time to jump on the bus, literally. it is a good day to be clean and have the desire to do the next right thing.

∞ DT ∞