Blog entry for:
Tue, Feb 20, 2007 07:46:40 AM
∞ when i refuse to take responsibility for my life, i give away all of my personal power. ∞
posted: Tue, Feb 20, 2007 07:46:40 AM
i need to remember that i am powerless over my addiction, not my personal behavior.
one of my favorite refrains when i was active in my addiction was it is not my fault, after all...
i cherished the ability to blame my personal behavior and general lack of responsibility on on anything but me. this behavior carried over into my recovery, especially once i accepted that i was powerless over the disease of addiction. i could blame just about anything on that part of me i call my disease and was quite content to do so. it was the very first loophole i uncovered after deciding that recovery was the way to go, and even today, i can still slip back into the whole victim of my disease trip. this whole powerlessness gig can be used as a wonderful excuse for me to deny any personal responsibility.
well that exact loophole is what the reading was speaking to me about. i have a problem accepting that i have any power over what i feel, however how i react to my feelings is a horse of a different color. i may get angry when someone hurts me, BUT i have the power to let it go and move on, or hold on to it and build a nice juicy resentment. i may get sad and cry when someone close to me suffers a tragedy or perhaps i will be laugh out loud happy, i really do not have control over whether my feelings are appropriate or not, but i do have power over how long i hold on to those feelings and how i behave when i am having a feeling, so in that sense i agree with the reading today. YES i was a victim of my addiction when i did noit know any better, BUT today after some step work and some days clean, i only become a victim when i choose to relinquish the personal power.
day to day living is not an easy task for even normal people to perform with total grace and serenity, and in that respect i am no different from them, i just have a readily available excuse when i choose to use it. an excuse is a very polite manner of saying that i can lie to myself and choose to act-out. you know the whole scenario, act-out and then say it was not my fault because after all i am just an addict. today i accept that i have personal power and personal responsibility, and the time has come to exercise a bit of both -- yes i am powerless over my disease BUT i am not powerless over my recovery and all that entails!
one of my favorite refrains when i was active in my addiction was it is not my fault, after all...
i cherished the ability to blame my personal behavior and general lack of responsibility on on anything but me. this behavior carried over into my recovery, especially once i accepted that i was powerless over the disease of addiction. i could blame just about anything on that part of me i call my disease and was quite content to do so. it was the very first loophole i uncovered after deciding that recovery was the way to go, and even today, i can still slip back into the whole victim of my disease trip. this whole powerlessness gig can be used as a wonderful excuse for me to deny any personal responsibility.
well that exact loophole is what the reading was speaking to me about. i have a problem accepting that i have any power over what i feel, however how i react to my feelings is a horse of a different color. i may get angry when someone hurts me, BUT i have the power to let it go and move on, or hold on to it and build a nice juicy resentment. i may get sad and cry when someone close to me suffers a tragedy or perhaps i will be laugh out loud happy, i really do not have control over whether my feelings are appropriate or not, but i do have power over how long i hold on to those feelings and how i behave when i am having a feeling, so in that sense i agree with the reading today. YES i was a victim of my addiction when i did noit know any better, BUT today after some step work and some days clean, i only become a victim when i choose to relinquish the personal power.
day to day living is not an easy task for even normal people to perform with total grace and serenity, and in that respect i am no different from them, i just have a readily available excuse when i choose to use it. an excuse is a very polite manner of saying that i can lie to myself and choose to act-out. you know the whole scenario, act-out and then say it was not my fault because after all i am just an addict. today i accept that i have personal power and personal responsibility, and the time has come to exercise a bit of both -- yes i am powerless over my disease BUT i am not powerless over my recovery and all that entails!
∞ DT ∞
The views expressed on this page are solely the opinion of the author.
While the author is a member of a 12 Step recovery fellowship, these writings are not intended to endorse or express the published wisdom of any fellowship.
These writings are not meant to be socially or politically correct, and if you take issue with any opinions expressed, please seek the guidance of someone wiser than me.
While the author is a member of a 12 Step recovery fellowship, these writings are not intended to endorse or express the published wisdom of any fellowship.
These writings are not meant to be socially or politically correct, and if you take issue with any opinions expressed, please seek the guidance of someone wiser than me.
Another Look!
∞ accepting personal responsibility and the freedom to change ∞ 350 words ➥ Monday, February 20, 2006 by: donnotδ instead of living my life by default, i can learn how to make responsible choices and take risks. δ 217 words ➥ Wednesday, February 20, 2008 by: donnot
μ i may have misused the concept of powerlessness, by claiming powerlessness over my own actions μ 548 words ➥ Friday, February 20, 2009 by: donnot
∝ when i claim that i am **powerless** to avoid responsibility for my actions ∝ 558 words ➥ Saturday, February 20, 2010 by: donnot
· through my inability to accept personal responsibility · 770 words ➥ Sunday, February 20, 2011 by: donnot
± i need to remember that i am powerless ± 371 words ➥ Monday, February 20, 2012 by: donnot
∑ by continuing to avoid responsibility by claiming that i am **powerless,** ∑ 715 words ➥ Wednesday, February 20, 2013 by: donnot
∂ my feelings, actions, and choices are mine. ∂ 691 words ➥ Thursday, February 20, 2014 by: donnot
♣ i AM powerless over addiction, ♣ 666 words ➥ Friday, February 20, 2015 by: donnot
⪭ powerlessness and ⪭ 728 words ➥ Saturday, February 20, 2016 by: donnot
↻ giving away ↺ 807 words ➥ Monday, February 20, 2017 by: donnot
🍋 personal power, 🍑 547 words ➥ Tuesday, February 20, 2018 by: donnot
🍼 living my life 🍼 600 words ➥ Wednesday, February 20, 2019 by: donnot
👻 spending 👻 609 words ➥ Thursday, February 20, 2020 by: donnot
👐 holding onto 👐 494 words ➥ Saturday, February 20, 2021 by: donnot
🌠 my inability 🌟 280 words ➥ Sunday, February 20, 2022 by: donnot
🚽 avoiding responsibility 🚽 554 words ➥ Monday, February 20, 2023 by: donnot
💫 in with generosity, 💫 349 words ➥ Tuesday, February 20, 2024 by: donnot
☯ The Tao that can be spoken is not the eternal Tao ☯
by Lao-Tse
Translated by James Legge
Book 1
The thirty spokes unite in the one nave; but it is on
the empty space (for the axle), that the use of the wheel depends.
Clay is fashioned into vessels; but it is on their empty hollowness,
that their use depends. The door and windows are cut out (from the
walls) to form an apartment; but it is on the empty space (within),
that its use depends. Therefore, what has a (positive) existence serves
for profitable adaptation, and what has not that for (actual) usefulness.