Blog entry for:

the potential for spending my time in recovery feeling like a victim is very real. ah, one of my favorite themes, right up there with entitlement, victim-hood. it is quite true i WAS a victim of addiction BUT that was when i was IN active addiction. i can moan and whine all that i want to, those days are gone for now, one day at a time. even thought the fact that i AM an addict has not changed, does not mean that i NEED to remain a victim anymore, that too, is a choice. today, i have the means to be more than an addict and as a result, i have a responsibility to face life on its own terms, good, bad or indifferent. yes, some days it sucks to be me. some days, i am so glad to be me, that i can hardly contain myself. all in all, i have a great life today and it is BECAUSE i am an addict and not in spite of that fact.
yes, you read that correctly, because i am an addict, and because of my addiction, i GOT to come to recovery and i GET to find a new way of living. as much as it upsets me to see others fall victim to active addiction again, i am powerless over their addiction. they need to get to a place where they can accept that things will never work, the way they are going, and hopefully before they reach a terminal and fatal conclusion. i go to this place, because although i have power over how i deal with my feelings (read responsibility), i have no power over HOW i feel in the first place, at least when i am not in a chemical romance. do i want to reach out, grab my friend by the throat and shove the gift of recovery down into his gullet? of course i do! i learn to acknowledge that feeling, accept that feeling and surrender his care to the POWER that fuels my recovery, and move on.
this is just one of the ways i AM taking back my life from the horrors of active addiction, one day at a time. i understand and accept that there are consequences for each of my actions, including posting this little daily exercise on the internet. i understand, that there are many things i have no power over and those things are best left in the care of the POWER that fuels my recovery. today, however, i accept that i DO have personal power, that is granted to me from the POWER that fuels my recovery. that modicum of personal power is something i cherish and for the most part no longer squander, by allowing events and other people to make choices that i can make for myself. today i am present for my life and take an active part in shaping the events that comprise my conscious living between the time i wake up and the time that i lay down to sleep. by taking action, just for today, i accept the gift of personal power as well as the responsibility that gift brings, and i do so gratefully. it is no wonder i roll my eyes when i hear others share what a victim they are in recovery and how terrible life is treating them. laying around and eating bonbons all day will not make one feel less depressed. getting out of the house and looking for a job, may not give one a career and a high-paying job, but it certainly is a start on living to the best of one&##9;s ability. today i accept that i am responsible for most of what occurs in my life and as a result, i decide to take what little power i have and exercise it to the best of my ability. today, i am no longer a victim of addiction and i CAN move beyond that, into the great unknown of today. today i AM responsible for my recovery and all that i do, and no addiction DOES not make me do anything i do not consciously choose to do, anymore, just for today.

∞ DT ∞