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viewing them as opportunities for growth, not as good or bad, i can search for lessons rather than assigning value.
hard to believe, but it is true, that no matter how many times i read this reading it always brings me back to the thought that yes, i still attach value judgments to my emotional reactions to everyday life. i have started to change the manner in which i speak and share about my emotional reactions, and even the twists and turns of life, but i am still stuck in the rut of instantaneously assigning a good or bad value to my reactions. so when i read about how my government is helping its neighbors spy on its citizens, providing the technology and funds to do so, i want to run and scream, head for the hills and get myself off the grid, so i can enjoy a little privacy.
bit that is a digression, and a diversion from the topic at hand. that tiny example is one of the ways i divert myself about thinking about me and my reactions. a friend of mine has an interesting term for the very thing that this reading is talking about. she calls the so called bad reaction Another F*cking Opportunity for GROWTH (AFOG)! although that little acronym creates an emotional reaction for me, i can remember that even though i see the events in my life through the filter of selfishness and self-obsession, all i need to do is learn how to accept them as they are, not good bad or indifferent, they just are. you know, ‘it is what it is!’ i do believe that acceptance was not a skill that i was born with, and if that was not the case, years of active addiction stripped my ability to accept things as they are away from me. the wonderful part of recovery is that i can learn how to accept, and learn how to detach my judgment from my emotional reactions. i understand that this reading speaks to an ideal and not necessarily a state of being that can be reached by this addict. my job is to ponder this reading and do my best with the tools at hand to strive for that ideal state of being. not that i believe that i will become some sort of saint that can reach such a state of grace, but doing what i need to do, furthering my recovery, will allow me to continue to grow towards that state. it is true that the longer i stay clean, the longer i practice a program of recovery and the longer i am willing to grow, the better at this little task i become, despite myself. so off to the real world to see what today will bring!

∞ DT ∞