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from the events that occur in my life. this morning for instance, there was a bit of synchronicity in my life. on my website i have a silly little function that servers up passages from the TAO. when i logged on to write this little ditty the following snip of wisdom was displayed on the page:
Therefore the sufficiency of contentment is an enduring and unchanging sufficiency.
if i was the sort to look for signs in sky or evidence of some POWER working in my life, i would have certainly gone there, without hesitation, as that was who i once was. i have grown in a very direction and so i may not see events as “signs” anymore, but i do see them as perhaps, something i need to pay a bit more attention to. quite simply, when events seem to converge, more than likly, i need to be awake and start to use those events to foster a course of action in my life. my dissatisfaction with the events over the past two months is doing nothing to help me grow, in fact quite the opposite, it is making me bitter and very unpleasant to be around at work. worst of all, i feel far from content and there is nothing in my professional life that bring me any joy - 😭 😬 😰.
what heard in both the reading and the message from my random snippet generator, was that in and of itself, the desire for events in my life, to transpire in a manner that i “like,” is not a bad thing. basing my happiness and contentment on that happening, however, is not such a good thing. in fact, if i was one to class things into “good” and “bad” buckets, i would certainly drop it into the latter. i want to be spiritual. i want to find success in all my affairs. i want to see a better way of living through actively working a program of recovery and yet, i still drop into very old and very familiar behaviors, including my need to define success as all the events in my life turning out the way i want them to. are you ready for one big fVcking rationalization? here it comes: i am after all, only human and an addict to boot, what did i really expect.
nice work when i can get it.. the fact that i am not perfect and more than likely will never be perfect, is enough to stop the self-flagellation. now that i have woken up a bit and can actually start to smell the coffee, what i think i need to do, is to let go of the past, even the recent one, and do what i can to make a better future for myself, just for today.
since the source of my dissatisfaction is the recent bump in my career path, i have a mission to create a product, me, that is worthwhile and valuable on the labor market. if i am going to be treated like property, and i certainly feel that way, than this piece of property is going to take off the tarnish, do some practical skill-building and be ready to conquer any opportunity that may come down the pike. i will show myself that i am worth every penny i am being paid, and even a bit more. i will demonstrate that i can move forward from a seemingly “bad” event, ditch all the “bad” feelings and find a road out of this perdition. this is after all, all about me and what i can do to be a better person, employee and friend, just for today.

∞ DT ∞