Blog entry for:

in my life as **good** or **bad.**
i would like to honestly say, that bi never attach a value judgement to a feeling i may experience, or an event in my life. sure that would be nice, i could wrap this up and move on down the road to work. the fact is, i am human and part of my human experience is to make judgements, especially about the events that occur and the feelings i have. if i did not make such judgements, such as: “it is a 'bad' idea to get high.”
that judgement, and despite what my peers my say, is one that allows me the choice to choose to be clean today. i would judge that as a 'good' idea.
the reading was not necessarily about whether or not i need to judge my ideas, it was more focused than that, namely about feelings and events. i certainly do judge any event that causes me pain as 'bad', sorry i am not cured yet. what i have been able to change is looking past my judgement in all sorts of things, people, events and feeling included. just because i can move beyond my judgements does not mean i am less judgemental, i just choose to take my judgement as a starting point and see where it goes after that. for instance something that i have judges as 'bad' is this whole “blue lives matter” pseudo-movement. law enforcement has done everything they can do to dehumanize themselves, put themselves above us, and generally treat the masses as sheep to be driven to slaughter. they have instilled a culture of loathing for the people they are paid to protect and demand respect through intimidation and secrecy. now they are starting to whine about being filmed doing their jobs, and that more and more, the sheep are say fVck off. before i go any further, i am not one of those anti-cop types. i believe that cops and laws are necessary for civil society. what irks me, is that some cops are arrogant enough to believe that enforcing the law, any means are justified. when they get filmed abusing the very people they are protecting and saying that they “feared for their life, unless they pommeled or shot someone down,” i have much less respect for them as a group. the result of that growing disrespect is that i start to judge all cops as bad. the saddest truth of all, is that law enforcement spent decades building this up and now are shocked that the populace is questioning their motives and their actions. that judgement is the result of considered deliberation, and when i see a cop, i have to suspend that judgement, because the a$$holes who hide their bigotry and disrespect of those they are paid to protect, are in the minority. for me, that suspension of judgement, is the spiritual path that i am trying to adhere to today.
feelings just are. life happens. everything that is my life, i still judge 'good' or 'bad.' to say anything else would be a lie and as i try and teach a notorious liar how to live their life more honestly, i need to be an example of doing my best to honestly express myself. so yes i am still a judgemental a$$hole. what i am not,m is someone who automatically makes decisions on those judgements as if they were handed down from o“on high.” i no longer treat my judgements as an end product, i see them as a work in process, and yes, i have come to a place where i see most of my feelings as just that, feelings, not good or bad, just plain old ordinary feelings that are part of my daily experience.
so now i FEEL it is time to wrap this up and head on down to work for a little while.

∞ DT ∞