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then, once i see the truth of our situation, i pray for the willingness to change myself.
however that is all i can pray for, i have been trying to change myself lately, rather than of allowing the sixth step to work its magic on me. i have been doing a whole boat load of swallowing my reactions and behaviors, not denying that i have them but controlling the extent to which i act out on them. swallowing is not a healthy behavior for me either, so it appears that i am forced into an either or situation., either act-out with blatant disregard for the world around me and clean-up my messes tomorrow, or suppress my feelings until the pain of doing so, becomes intolerable. i said appears because that is all that choice is, smoke and mirrors, to hide the fact that i am denying and resisting the changes that are going on inside of me. the part of me i call my disease is working overtime these days and is denying me the opportunity to see that i am becoming willing. my reactions to the world around me are part of me, and how i express those feelings are also part of me. i could roar through life, using the sixth step as my excuse to behave without concern for those with whom i share my life, or, as the reading suggests, i can accept that yes i have these defects of character, yes they serve no useful purpose, and yes i am more than willing to allow them to be removed. quite simple and more than an elegant solution to the problem i have become lately. so it goes...
... one day whining about something, or being reactive, or just plain being ignorant, and the next looking for the means to accept the situation as it is. so today i accept that i am becoming willing to finish this step and move on, allow for the fact that my emotions and feelings are ready to explode and pray that my HIGHER POWER can protect me from myself and at the same time minimize the damage around me. i know that is asking a whoole lot, but none of that is impossible for the POWER THAT KEEPS ME CLEAN AND PROVIDES FOR ALL MY NEEDS.

∞ DT ∞