Blog entry for:

to know the difference between what i can change and what i need to accept, is a function of my spiritual growth. i do not have any illusions about being some sort of spiritual guru or giant, with recovery wisdom being beamed out of every single pore. i am far from knowing the difference from what i can change and what i need to accept, and i am still quite capable of holding on to situations, forming expectation and polishing anger into nice shiny resentments. not a whole lot of HOPE in those last two sentences, UNLESS one looks at the flip side of that same coin.
not being a spiritual giant and just a garden variety addict, who is still willing to learn a thing or two, on a daily basis. the fact that i have not been cast in a glow of perfection is not really a “bad” thing, as i know who and what i am, today and yes, winning the POWERBALL Jackpot would be a wonderful event to happen. does that mean i hope and pray for that to happen, but i do buy more tickets than i probably should. for me, learning to accept what comes down the pike, is harder than changing those things i have the power to alter. i have lots of practice at exerting my power, even when i really might have made a wiser choice. the fact is, accepting the unchangeable, is difficult for me, as i always want to go to a place of “i know how to fix this!”
even though i have the time today, i am not sure what else i want to say. my run sucked because i attempted a distance that was too far after over a month off from running. work called and texted me during the run, which did take me out of the groove as well. i want to scream about how F*CKING unfair all of that is, the work part not the lack of ability part, but i am quite certain that the past cannot be altered and i can volunteer to live in the sh*t stew of what those f*ckers did to me and my workout, or i can accept things for what they are, water over the dam. i will have a conversation with my client on Tuesday about whether or not is appropriate for a help desk to call me directly on a non-business day, and until then, let the crap i am carrying around, evaporate into the ether. today, i am going to run an errand or three and do my best to remember who i am and how i would like to be treated. oh yeah, use the bit of wisdom i have developed to sort out what i have to accept and what i can apply a bit of power towards and change.

∞ DT ∞