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most of the time i find that what needs changing is my attitude and actions, not the people, places, and things around me.
before i really get rolling, let me clearly state that for the most part, there is not a whole lot of unacceptable pieces to my life. in general, my life is good, DAMMIT, now if only…
speaking of which, i just had to step away to answer a question for one of my most frustrating customers, and i have a feeling that once i am done with this project, they may step out of my life. it is true, i sometimes wish, some of the people in my life would change, such as the little man that i had the pissing match with earlier this week, and quite honestly he did nothing out of character, and that is the problem as i see it, do i really want to be a ass to all of those i happen to work with, just because that is who i am? especially, since there is a path to freedom from being an asshole! at least, there is for me and the mean and women who share this manner of living. for those others? well perhaps they too, can find a way to be more of the people that people want to have in their lives.
so what about me? i can be like one of the men i sponsor and live my life in FEAR, keeping a plan B always active just in case. unfortunately, i have a feeling that that living life in that manner will bring down consequences that are unacceptable to me and my continued peace of mind. yes, i GET that living life in FEAR, doing what i have always done, will get me just what i have always gotten, and what i have always gotten is not what i want today. if only…
there is always a catch, isn't there?!
the catch is -- wait for it -- IF i want more than i have been getting THAN i NEED to take the action to get it. if i want more recovery, than i need to work steps. if i want more serenity, THAN i need to build my two way conscious contact with the POWER that fuels my recovery. if i want more money, THAN i NEED to spend less, work more. it really is as simple as that. i can get everything i want and most importantly i can get those things when i NEED them the most.
it really is not the world that needs to change and although there are more than one asshole in my life today, they need not change either. IT IS ME and my sh!tty attitudes that require altering and the only way to do so, is through the steps, one day at a time.
so time for a shower and head on out to get this day rolling. and yes, perhaps i am finally ready to jump start the change process, the pain of not doing is finally reaching an intolerable level.

∞ DT ∞