Blog entry for:

to understand that happiness is an inside job. i am not speaking of a rose-colored glasses sort of scenario where everything is yippy-skippy, all the time. i am not talking about the notion that GOD wants me to be happy, nor do i believe i am entitled to happiness, although i have heard tossed around the rooms from more than a few of my peers. i am not sure whether or not i can choose to happy, but i am quite certain that i can choose not to be miserable. a side-effect of that choice is that most of the time i feel more than a bit of joy and find happiness in the current manifestation of my self. for me, not being miserable is the base line and from there all sorts of magic has the ability to happen.
as i have walked through my day, to this point, i have had more than a few minutes of being miserable. while i was working out, i went down a rabbit hole of wondering what the big deal about my 1.2 mm deep melanoma might be. i feel as if i am missing and important piece of information and i have been transported back to the 1970's when the doctors were divine and any information they provided was beyond the comprehension of mere mortals such as their patients, so why confuse them with facts. doing a quick GOOGLE search provides the answer they are unwilling to give me, they do not know. it is deeper than 1mm and it is unknown whether or not my nearest lymph nodes are involved. all they had to say is that at this time, without more information all we can say is let us gather the information and go from there. i could have bought that without any trouble but once again it the doctor's not admitting that they lack the information they need and just saying “without further testing, we have nothing more to offer.” there is that divine DR syndrome kicking bin again and i will certainly let them know that i do not now ascribe to it and am perfectly okay wi=hen someone says i do not know, rather than clamming up or tap-dancing around the issue.
that rabbit hole, robbed me of the joy of my work out. it is not their fault, although i would love to blame them, it is mine, as i could have stopped and GOOGLED it myself, and then want on with my walk. oh well, a perfect example of choosing top be miserable when all else fails. i am unsure of this afternoon may bring, but for right now, i am planning on going to the cigar store and enjoying at least one stick this afternoon. i have met my responsibilities and am ready to get away from the house and just chill for a minute. perhaps there will be step work, but more than likely, just a cigar and the US Open, which for me, is pleasure enough and yes, i may find more than a nanosecond of joy as the afternoon progresses.

∞ DT ∞