โ service also requires that i look at myself and my motives. โ
Posted: Thu, Jun 28, 2007 10:18:25 AM
my efforts at service makes me highly visible to the fellowship.
my motives at service have at time been all about how i look, and not about carrying the message. coming to see that was a very tough thing since i can do the whole spiritual camouflage gig so well. these days i check my motive with someone i trust before i take a new service position. life is like that, i am still not good about checking my motives. denial, and character defects disguise my true motives from me. so pondering my motives is usually an exercise in futility.
the whole thing about being highly visible to my fellowship does create a dichotomy within me. one part of me craves the attention and enjoys being in the spotlight. another part of me, cringes when i think that my behavior and words are being used as an object lesson for those with whom i share my service life. such is the life of recovery, as i get better my motives clarify and i am less apt to do something that i will regret or have to make amends for later. i am not quite there yet, but as long as i am active in my recovery, i will approach that ideal.
so back to face the world and see what i can accomplish today.
my motives at service have at time been all about how i look, and not about carrying the message. coming to see that was a very tough thing since i can do the whole spiritual camouflage gig so well. these days i check my motive with someone i trust before i take a new service position. life is like that, i am still not good about checking my motives. denial, and character defects disguise my true motives from me. so pondering my motives is usually an exercise in futility.
the whole thing about being highly visible to my fellowship does create a dichotomy within me. one part of me craves the attention and enjoys being in the spotlight. another part of me, cringes when i think that my behavior and words are being used as an object lesson for those with whom i share my service life. such is the life of recovery, as i get better my motives clarify and i am less apt to do something that i will regret or have to make amends for later. i am not quite there yet, but as long as i am active in my recovery, i will approach that ideal.
so back to face the world and see what i can accomplish today.
∞ DT ∞