Blog entry for:

and my motives.
if you read this little ditty on any regular basis, you know that here, i can stray form the party line and lose any sense of political correctness. basically i write this as a SERVICE to me, but among my motives is to challenge at least one of my readers to wake up and dust the cobwebs off of their belief system. i do not believe, nor is it my desire to get someone to change their mind, but i am more than satisfied if one of you out there, reads something here, challenging or disturbing enough to you, to prompt you into actually look at whether or not your belief system needs a tweak or a major overhaul. yesterday was no exception. as a parting shot and an afterthought i lobbed more than a few disturbing ideas, the most politically incorrect is a statement challenging the bromide that: “GOD does not make any shit.”
basing my self-worth and self-esteem on such statement is a very dangerous place, as i have a very uncanny ability to the the dark side of the world through the far from rose-colored glasses of cynicism. for me, that is not a positive or negative attribute, as i have moved on from labeling parts of me as good or bad. they are just what they are, part of me, that makes up the complex whole. not some sort of alien beings or sibyl-like split personalities, that bis just who i am and my job is to learn to accept that, cherish that and yes even at times tolerate that, as sometimes acceptance is beyond my capacity. so when it comes to service work and being a part of group conscience, i put myself there very sparingly and with the lightest touch that i can muster.
moving back into the topic on my mind, for me service now boils down to a personal connection and reaching out to the addict who still suffers. i do not fawn all over newcomers in front of my friends or peers, nor do i have thump my chest and the traditions at service committee meetings, those days are long gone, and i am grateful my recovery survived them. no i try and carry the message of HOPE to those who are probably the most resistant and least likely to show up at the doors of my fellowship, after their a$$ is no longer in a sling. it is more than a bit cynical and certainly ironic, that where i decide to put my energies, is the least likely to yield the results i desire. AND YET, there is something strangely satisfying in doing so, kind of like Johnny Appleseed, i plant the seeds and move on, very rarely seeing if any of those seeds bare any fruit. this form of service has cost me my anonymity from time to time, as some of those i carry this message to, have very few boundaries, but that is a very small price to pay.
anyhow, i need to get rolling out of the door. life is certainly interesting these days and i have more than enough stuff to do to occupy my time this weekend, even if it is chillaxing for a few, not this morning unfortunately as it is time to run.
be well my friends and peers and remember once your belief structure turns rock hard, you are in danger of having it crumble down around you.

∞ DT ∞