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NOT end just because I do not get my way, and that is certainly a fact! it is quite true that the reading was about group conscience and service. i have been one of those who whined, bitched and complained when the group or service body made a decision that was seemingly not aligned with what i THOUGHT we should have decided. i have been an agent of discontent and a provocateur of back-room deals. today, i am grateful that all my petty and small-minded attempts did NOT destroy the fellowship that has given me this way of living or diminish the ability of its members to carry the message to the still suffering addict. the fact is, i was the bully, spiritual and intellectual, that manipulated, conned and prevaricated to hide my motives and get my way and today, i do my best to support what my peers and i decide, through the group conscience process, and speak with a voice that is in unison with them and not some dissonant rebel without a clue. there are lots of parts of my program that i do not work anywhere close to perfectly, this piece ➽ group conscience, is one i adhere to with such zeal, that one could think i am just another of the sheeple, going along with a crowd, just to be a part of it. the simple fact is, after stomping upon and deriding the group conscience process in the past, i have seen the errors of those ways and have come to accept that yes, the world will not end, if i do not get my way.
the, me too part being done, this reading went a bit deeper for me this morning and it is not just my fellowship and its decision-making process that i “heard” when i sat this morning. no this also went to entitlement, privilege and selfishness. when i start to believe i “deserve” things, i move forward in making the world give me all that i believe i “deserve.” i know that i am not that far out form the rest of the human race in my desire to have a better life and most of them might actually think that, yes, they too deserve to be happy and have material wealth. something that my sponsor once said to me, way back when, like four years ago, is that GOD is not all about material gifts, because IF GOD loves everyone equally, and material wealth was a “gift” from GOD, than everyone, worldwide, should have the exact same amount of wealth. that same rule of thumb seems to apply to what i think i deserve. i am not entitled to be happy, joyous and free, but i am entitled to have the opportunity to find a path to that state. do not get me wrong, i still seek out opportunities to improve my material and spiritual wealth and unfortunately, some of the time it is at the expense of others.
what is it that i take away from the reading this morning? even if the weight of all of my days is grinding me down, and even if i am not the paragon of virtue that those days should have created, i am doing this gig one day at a time, and i can CHOOSE to be a part of the flow, or i can choose to obstruct and divert. in this respect, i have some power and choosing to join m y fellows, rather than stand above them, is a great way to start this day.

∞ DT ∞