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it is true, i am not always ecstatic by how my peers, choose to run their groups, their service committees or what they decide about how to carry the message. it is also true, that i really forfeit my right to righteous indignation and outrage, when i do not participate in the group conscience process. the fact that i HAVE the opportunity to be a part of that process, and CHOOSE not to, does not change my feelings about the outcome, because after all, i know what is best for our fellowship and if they would only read my mind or ask me, i could make everything just fVcking perfect!
as ludicrous as that last statement sounds, it is really not that far off the mark. time and again, i consider myself an expert on all sorts of stuff, recovery, service, how to think, how to live and how to carry a message of recovery to those who are suffering. time and again i prove that assertion wrong, and yet, it does not keep me from going back there and doing it all over again. one of those mental traps and circuits that formed probably before i used the first time and only got reinforced and strengthened through years of active addiction. life in the trenches does not lead to my best thinking and amazingly, even when i applied my will to the direction of my fellowship, i did not destroy it. that fact in and of itself, shows me how much power i really had or will ever have. my life as an insider has been concluded and now i am just a part of the greater whole. i know that my peers have opinions, and strong ones, about how to run things. i have FAITH that those strong opinions will merge into what is best for the fellowship in general and when i catch myself drifting back into criticism of how they are doing things, it is up to me to bring myself back to the reality of the situation. a HIGHER POWER as expressed through the opinions and beliefs of my peers will protect the fellowship form those who believe they know best, myself included.
time to move along and see what i can get fixed today.

∞ DT ∞