Blog entry for:

if i remember that it does not matter if i get my way, then it is easier to allow service to be the way to carry the message to the addict who still suffers. what, i do not always know what is the best way in which to carry the message to the still suffering addict? who sent that memo and how come i did not get it! as ridiculous as that sounds, that seems to be what is going through my brain some days. and as a result. i have had to change home groups and move on. not from resentments that the group was doing what i did not want it to, although they were present for a time. no it was because i was harming the group by insisting that i knew best, and using a position of trust to force my will on the group. what i could not let go of, is the fact that groups evolve and change, and their character changes along with that growth. since i was one of the few members in my local fellowship back when i got clean, i had a position of being around forever, and used that to my advantage. i did not like the direction the group was taking to what i saw as an easier, gentler and kinder version of recovery, and i believed that the newcomers was suffering by being mollycoddled. after all, no one was telling me it was okay to…
well you get the point, i wanted the group to stay as it was, hard core to the bone, with no softness or flexibility, it was a group of the fellowship and needed to express that in the ‘purest’ of terms. so after stepping back and doing my best to let go, i decided it was best to step away from group conscience in this group and lend my support to a new group to see if i could let go and become a member instead of a guru. and as i did, i felt as if a great weight had been lifted off of my shoulders. so anyhow, i am getting better today and i can allow myself to see that not only do i not have all the answers i probably do not even have THE ANSWER and allow my voice to become part of the collective instead of of being the loudest and most vocal. it is still a learning experience for me, but at least i am teachable for now. and that my friends is a good thing!

∞ DT ∞