๐ a big fish ๐
Posted: Thu, Jun 28, 2018 07:21:29 AM
in a little pond, been there, done that got the T-shirt, time to move along. i know all about doing my best to get my way and dissing the conscience of the group, when they choose to go in another direction. i have been a force of divisiveness and disunity, many times in my recovery journey and once upon a time, i took pride in having the loudest voice in service situation. ah, but i am so much better now, that there is nothing left to dwell on here. as close to the truth as that last statement may come, i often do dwell on how much weight my opinion can cast, especially when it comes to service committees and group conscience. the pendulum has swung in the other direction for far too long, where once i always chimed in with my opinion, now i very rarely do, from always to never seems too be the way i swing, har-har, and what i am looking at today, is how to just be another fish, with opinions and ideas of my own, without dominating the local community. guided by the principle of selfless service, i can and will finally create balance in this part of my recovery life.
what is else on the top of my seemingly random feelings stack today? the fact that i have not heard back one way or another about the job i priced myself out of? the fact that i have not received instructions from my broker on how to pay the last set of fees for my time share sale? the fact that i do not know if i received a merit raise at work? the anxiety about the GI doctor is going to find as he scopes down my esophagus? how conservative the SCOTUS is going to be? the velocity of a African Swallow in flight? questions, question, questions, making me late and keeping me distracted from what i really need to be focusing on, where is my recovery journey going and how do i make the Wednesday night part of my meeting routine, once again? one of the men that call me their sponsor, asked me point blank, when i was going to show my face at that meeting and my excuse last night was my service commitment precluded my attendance. the fact of the matter is, had i wanted to do so, i certainly had the ability to do both. i already had removed Tuesday nights from my routine and Wednesday nights seems to be the next on the chopping block. 🏎
i know i am certainly going through a whole lot of change, especially in my relationship to the fellowship that has given me this recovery path. as i learned on Monday night, i do have a thing or two to offer to those on the fence and who also happen to be in their first few months of recovery. what i also discovered at that meeting, is they really do not want to hear platitudes about how “wonderful and Mary Poppins, life will become if only…” no what i uncovered is that yes i have to move my message a bit of the ”doom and gloom room” towards the offering of HOPE through my faithful adherence to exercising the principles in all my affairs and putting these principles before the personalities of others, 12 by 12, as it were. doing so will allow me to find the balance between dominating or disappearing from group conscience, just for today.
what is else on the top of my seemingly random feelings stack today? the fact that i have not heard back one way or another about the job i priced myself out of? the fact that i have not received instructions from my broker on how to pay the last set of fees for my time share sale? the fact that i do not know if i received a merit raise at work? the anxiety about the GI doctor is going to find as he scopes down my esophagus? how conservative the SCOTUS is going to be? the velocity of a African Swallow in flight? questions, question, questions, making me late and keeping me distracted from what i really need to be focusing on, where is my recovery journey going and how do i make the Wednesday night part of my meeting routine, once again? one of the men that call me their sponsor, asked me point blank, when i was going to show my face at that meeting and my excuse last night was my service commitment precluded my attendance. the fact of the matter is, had i wanted to do so, i certainly had the ability to do both. i already had removed Tuesday nights from my routine and Wednesday nights seems to be the next on the chopping block. 🏎
i know i am certainly going through a whole lot of change, especially in my relationship to the fellowship that has given me this recovery path. as i learned on Monday night, i do have a thing or two to offer to those on the fence and who also happen to be in their first few months of recovery. what i also discovered at that meeting, is they really do not want to hear platitudes about how “wonderful and Mary Poppins, life will become if only…” no what i uncovered is that yes i have to move my message a bit of the ”doom and gloom room” towards the offering of HOPE through my faithful adherence to exercising the principles in all my affairs and putting these principles before the personalities of others, 12 by 12, as it were. doing so will allow me to find the balance between dominating or disappearing from group conscience, just for today.
∞ DT ∞