Blog entry for:

my disease tricks me into trusting it.
i really do hate the way of looking at the disease of addiction as a separate person, or some sort of alien force that drives me to do things against my will. however i understand the utility of this point of view, especially in early recovery. if i had to accept that my disease was a part of the whole me, way back when, i am sure i would have never accepted that recovery was the manner of living that i needed to embrace.
for me, i find that replacing the words my disease or my addict or even the committee in my head with the personal pronoun of i and me, helps me to realize what is going on. the part of me i call my disease does work overtime, and does tell me lies to get me to trust that part of me. it really sucks that some days more than other, that internal dialog chatters incessantly, and that on those days i am willing to participate in that discussion. but on the other hand it is really great that that particular battle needs not be fought, that i get to live my life without the part of me that is my disease telling me lies. even better, when i feel like succumbing to the siren call of that part of me i call my disease, there are real people, outside my head that can provide me a counter to the lies addiction is foisting upon me.
so anyhow, i am way behind in meeting my responsibilities today, and so i do not give that part of me any more ammunition it is time to sign-off and move forward with my day!

∞ DT ∞