Blog entry for:

to stand firm and when to bend is a sign of maturity in recovery. this is certainly an interesting perspective for me to ponder this morning. across the course of my recovery, i often confused bending with giving up. in my early days, i was under the impression that humility meant always deferring to others, as i was coming from a spot where i never believed i was wrong and would loudly and arrogantly spout off nonsense to make my point. keeping quiet, even when i was certain i was correct and had the moral high ground, was what i thought was the next right thing to do. time passed and i learned that i was not always wrong and i slipped back into my familiar pattern of being an intellectual bully. it took getting into some major knock-down, drag out battles to realize that there was a time to say my piece and STFU and times to quietly insist on my point of view. learning to let go of my need to be right, took a very long minute, some steps and a reevaluation of who and what i was. today, i am finding some balance in looking at the point of view of my peers, even IF i think they might be mistaken.
this morning, as i got out on to the road for my commute, i felt a feeling i very rarely have, as i commute to the office, calm and mostly serene. i did not have to be the first on race day, and let myself just go with the flow. truly a strange and unusual state of being for this addict. i am not sure it is going to last, as i have a major refactoring of my project to accomplish this morning, but i am not going to worry or fret about it. i went one and one in fantasy football, so not a bad week and certainly a lesson in humility there, as i had my ass handed over to me by the last place team. i now sit in the basement, but that means i get first pick in the waivers tonight, so i will need to do a bit of research this afternoon, to see if i can find the silver bullet to buy another win.
it is time, however, to get a bit of coffee and start seeing how i what changes i can make in order to fix my broken code. life is not all that bad todaay and i am coming to accept that maybe this season, i may not end up in the playoffs for the first time in several years. it happens and that is certainly one more lesson in humility. not that i think i need anymore, humility that is, just for today. 😜

∞ DT ∞