Blog entry for:

is certainly something i have learned to deal with since i got clean. living in this day and age, it seems that the same sort of malady has affected the entire world and warped information fills all the sources of news in my life, just because no one wants to be accountable for what is happening. the blame could be cast on a political figure who swept the country with their notorious denial of any criticism, by calling it “fake news,” but how this came about in unimportant, demagoguery always falls apart sooner or later, and i am just tired of waiting for this one to sink into the ashes of their destruction of civil society. enough commentary on the society and time to move into what i feel this morning. BTW the worlds is not flat; COVID-19 is not a hoax and Trump lost the election.
as someone who spent most of his life living a lie that warped my perception of myself way out of whack and seemingly forced me to live a life hiding in plain sight the fact that i was “broken” i do have empathy for this who have bought into the lies that are feeding the division and angst in society today. as the lie i told myself about who i was and what my place in the world was, took hold and became my “truth” i became more concerned about what others saw and less concerned about what i felt. using was the escape hatch for me, and it worked right to the end. i do not quibble over that fact today, it simply is part of who i am.
today, i do not run around listening to the voices in my head, and i am pretty certain that is the case for most of my peers. i do, however, have to pause and consider when i perceive something in how i am thinking and behaving that is not consistent with who i am becoming. i understand that for some, naming those lapses of rationality as the voice of addiction, is a great tool to separate oneself from the insanity. for me, however, to do so, diminishes my journey to accepting that addiction is part of me and always will be. as part of me, addiction will always twist around what i see hear and think, allowing me to behave in less than a stellar manner and falling back on the excuse, of what does one expect from an addict, such as myself. for now, i think i will listen to the “voice of reason” and get my miles in, before i am stuck behind a computer screen for the rest of the day.

∞ DT ∞