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the most insidious and subtle of all the influences in my life today are the whispers of my disease. as i progress down this path i find that the voice no longer tries to drown out all the positive influences by shouting, now it whispers. and the content of its message has changed as i have progressed, it no longer tells me i need to use to remain sane and able to cope, now it tells me that i am not worth the work, that i have not really changed, that i am a fraud lacking the care, concern or empathy to have any long-lasting changes in my life or the worst is that quite possibly i am not an addict after all.
because of the this change in strategy, the lies the whispers tell me seem rational and plausible. as a result i need to be ever more vigilant in getting the message from without, going to meetings, talking to my sponsor, working my steps and most of being a part of the fellowship that gave me this wonderful new life.
it is my opinion that what my disease wants the most is for me to isolate myself and withdraw from those places where i hear and feel that evidence that runs counter to its arguments, and then when it has me alone and hurting to deliver the final blow -- if i cannot trust those people, myself or GOD that i might as well complete the relapse process and actually try that single use experiment, after all this time it just might once again work for me.
understanding and open-mindedness are my major defenses against the disease of addiction. reaching out, attending meetings and seeking GOD's will are the actions i take to bolster my defenses, after all if i am not part of the program what chance do i have?
-- DT --