Blog entry for:

today, i think i will listen to the voice of recovery and the POWER that fuels that recovery.
first off, i do NOT hear voices, i have yet to be that insane. that being said, the part of me i call addiction often presents what one of my friends calls brilliant ideas, that are really not that brilliant at all. as i was driving over to work, i was contemplating the idiotic acts of three men in Utah and saw that as a way into this whole “voice of addiction” topic.
in case you have not been following the news lately, here is a brief summary of what i am talking about. two men decided a rock formation that had been there for thousands, perhaps millions, of years presented a clear and present danger to park visitors. not a very bright start to this chain of thought. to protect the public, they decided to topple it over, even though state and national parks consider that sort of behavior felonious vandalism, with good cause. not being satisfied with doing something good, anonymously, they took a video of the act and posted it to the internet, to show the world their actions. based on their behavior in that video they were quite pleased with the results, and probably thought they were going to get some sort medal or accommodation for removing a threat. what they got was death threats, booted from the Boy Scouts and possibly felony vandalism charges, which in my opinion they certainly deserve. to make matters worse, one of the participants in the actual act, is in a legal battles claiming permanent disability because of a back injury he allegedly sustained in an auto accident. i will bet the insurance company is licking its chops, just waiting to pounce on this brilliant soul. even today, they have little remorse, saying they did the right thing the wrong way. i mean seriously, that rock had been balanced for a very long time, and more than likely would have remained upright for a long time yet to come.
the idiocy of their behavior certainly mirrors the idiocy of some of the ideas that the part of me i call addiction seems to put into my head. one idea is that perhaps i should use just a little of a newly legal substance, after all, that was never a problem for me and i do have all this clean time. it tells me that i NEED to use that substance so i can tell the newcomer how bad it really is. wrapping an idiotic thought in a camouflage of altruism, so it sounds not only plausible, but something that i really, really need to do, regardless of the consequences.
one may wonder about this little page. after all, here i am posting to the world that i am an addict, and in recovery. anyone can find and read it, including my employers, the insurance companies and of course our over protective nanny government, is this really a good idea? i have pondered that thought many times, and i always come back to the conclusion, that i am ready to sacrifice my anonymity for a little peace of mind. these brain dumps help keep me sane and allow me to express myself with absolutely no reservations, as here i have no rules to follow. it is that “voice” that goes on about the clear and present danger these blogs present to me, and each time i consider removing or stopping them, i look at what they do for me, and how they help me, be a part of the real world. i resist the natural tendency of the addict that is me, to hide in dark, dank corners, pretending to be what he is not. i allow myself to hear the reason of recovery, and another post becomes history.
anyhow, it is a good day to be clean and the voices of my friends and peers will be enough to keep me clean today, that is after all, how it works for me.

∞ DT ∞