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i am no longer comfortable when i benefit at the expense of others. i can feel good about my newfound honesty. well before i launch into some honesty stuff, one of the things that has not changed is my obsession with getting a task done. over the past twelve hours i have been impatient while waiting for someone else to do work, so i took it upon myself, to start a task and finish it! so, was that a good or bad thing? well time will tell. honestly (yes i am back to the topic at hand) i feel that it was a good thing, because the sooner it gets completed the sooner i can get it out to those who need to have the information and the easier me life will be over the next six days. so acting out on an obsession, at least this time, was the easier simpler way. however, that is not always the case, and when it comes to finding the easier softer way, sometimes a bit of dishonesty is part of the apparent solution. as i have grown during my journey through recovery, i am discovering that although i am quite capable of taking what appears to be an easier, softer path, the consequences of doing so leave me wishing i had not. sure it would be easy to walk away with change, and sometimes giving it back is more difficult and make the cashier feel bad for having made the mistake in the first place. a quick rationalization (read lie) would tell me to spare the cashier’s feeling by not pointing out the mistake. so with a lie to myself, i totally dismiss cash register honesty and end-up acting the same as i always have.
nice work if you can find it! so when i think about honesty, i need to remember that i am quite capable of lying to myself to justify and rationalize the most outrageous behaviors. if i want to continue to grow, i need to check what i am thinking before i act, and ensure that i am being honest with myself as well as the world around me. that in my opinion is the easier, softer way for me today.

∞ DT ∞