Blog entry for:

in matters that probably had not bothered me when i used.
yes, i as i stated before when i got here i was sure honesty was for anyone and everyone except me. all of that changed quickly as i grew a conscience and the years of numbing my feelings through the use of mind-altering substances began to wear off. i quickly discovered that i did have a moral or two and most of the way i was living was contrary to me moral values and beliefs. so as i began to work through what and how the disease of addiction had warped me, it became obvious, at least tot his addict, that this whole gig had to be all or none. no half measures were going to allow me to live a life in which i was comfortable in my skin, and the growing discomfort of discovering who i was as opposed to who i thought i was spurred me into a new manner of thinking. if i wanted to become more than i was, i would have to do what was suggested and surrender to the fact that i was powerless over my addiction. if i was powerless than i had two choices, go back to using, or learn how to live a program of recovery. for some reason i chose the latter, and here i am today, nearly three thousand and five hundred days later, still marveling at what life has to offer me today. so i could go on and on about how becoming honest as i grew up in recovery has been a gift for which i am quite grateful for today. that would be a bit counter-productive no matter how true, so i will merely say that the honest truth is that i am still growing my honesty and hopefully will choose to continue to do so, at least for today. after all that is all i really ever have.

∞ DT ∞