ฮฑ i came to recovery with very little capacity to be honest ฯ
Posted: Mon, Apr 6, 2009 09:19:54 AM
i am no longer comfortable when i benefit at the expense of others; i can feel good about my newly uncovered honesty. although the example given was the classic cash register honesty one, this reading delves a bit deeper into the actual issue. i am comfortable with the example although i tire of hearing it over and over again, i understand that is the example that is the entry point into an examination of honesty for the members who are just starting out, or who for whatever reason have not started their step work.
for me, the cash register part was a slam dunk, as soon as i got clean and started working a program. it was always a nagging feeling that i was doing something wrong when i stole from a store, and getting the wrong change was just as much theft as me stuffing my pockets full of merchandise. as this reading comes around each year, i think more about the levels of honesty i am reaching for these days. it is self-honesty, truly looking at who and what i am, that rings the loudest in my addict brain, for several reasons. self-honesty is the force that when applied directly to my behaviors and thoughts short-circuits the lies i want to tell myself, to allow me to keep thinking or behaving in some sick and twisted manner. self-honesty also keeps me humble, and humility allows me to grow into something more than i was yesterday. and finally, self-honesty opens me up to the suggestions of others, whether or not i actually respect their opinions. when i am honest with myself, i can HEAR what others are trying to tell me, and when i can actually hear what they are saying the choice to listen to it comes from within. that choice springs from my willingness to be honest with myself on new and deeper levels.
so honestly, it is time to hit the streets and navigate through the fog this morning. good thing i do not have very many streets to cross on my route today. so off to the races i go!
for me, the cash register part was a slam dunk, as soon as i got clean and started working a program. it was always a nagging feeling that i was doing something wrong when i stole from a store, and getting the wrong change was just as much theft as me stuffing my pockets full of merchandise. as this reading comes around each year, i think more about the levels of honesty i am reaching for these days. it is self-honesty, truly looking at who and what i am, that rings the loudest in my addict brain, for several reasons. self-honesty is the force that when applied directly to my behaviors and thoughts short-circuits the lies i want to tell myself, to allow me to keep thinking or behaving in some sick and twisted manner. self-honesty also keeps me humble, and humility allows me to grow into something more than i was yesterday. and finally, self-honesty opens me up to the suggestions of others, whether or not i actually respect their opinions. when i am honest with myself, i can HEAR what others are trying to tell me, and when i can actually hear what they are saying the choice to listen to it comes from within. that choice springs from my willingness to be honest with myself on new and deeper levels.
so honestly, it is time to hit the streets and navigate through the fog this morning. good thing i do not have very many streets to cross on my route today. so off to the races i go!
∞ DT ∞