Blog entry for:

a cashier has given me by mistake.
cash register honesty, yes that was certainly the first symptom of my growing honesty, and i am sure it holds true for most of my peers. honesty, at least as far as i see it, means a whole lot more than just returning an extra fiver to the cashier.
when i was using, i was a master of deceit on many levels. it is true i was a poor liar and not a very successful petty criminal. i could however, twist the truth, edit the truth and otherwise mangle the truth to get someone to believe whatever it was i needed them to believe. this was not limited to telling stories, it also included being able to manipulate someone into doing what i wanted, without flat-out asking for that. i figured, that is someone could not figure out what i wanted from them, then i was i correct in judging to be less than worthy of my attention, much less companionship. so learning to ask for what i wanted or needed from my friends, peers and acquaintances in recovery, was probably the second lesson in honesty, i learned, once i arrived.
amazingly, this happened long before i had the desire to stay clean, or was ready to be a member, this was one of the ways i behaved my way into better thinking and i had the perfect laboratory for trying this out, the community of the fellowships, i was then attending. part of why i am where i am today, was that when i was learning to be honest about what i wanted or needed from my peers, the fellowship i have been a part of, was more open and certainly a whole lot more fun.
anyhow, i have a task to run on the way to work, a canine needs to be freed to go outside and take care of her bidness, so i will have to cut this short and move on. oh yeah, the flip side is that when someone asks me for something, directly, i can choose to say yes or no. and no is not a rejection, as i have a life as well.

∞ DT ∞